The Merciless Ravages of My Mind

2008-10-31T23:36:00.003-05:00

After my last two depressing posts, I think it's time to write something on a lighter and brighter topic....but still related. Here is a list of some things that I like about my life right now.

1. Netflix. Yes, the top thing on my list is a movie delivery service. I just signed up two days ago and I received my first DVD yesterday. I got Wristcutters: A Love Story. It's about people who commit suicide. They go to this place that is only for suicides and it's pretty much like normal life, but off-colored and tiny miracles that don't mean anything happen there. The main character offs himself when his girlfriend dumps him. Later he finds out that she offed herself too and starts searching for her. During his search he meets another girl who claims that she didn't kill herself and that she is there by mistake. Eventually he falls for her just in time to see how much of a bitch his girlfriend really was. Anyway, I shall send it back tomorrow and wait eagerly for my next DVD, Shakespeare in Love.

2. Halloween. You may know that my favorite holiday is Halloween. I have been looking forward to this year's since November 1, 2007. I didn't get to be what I really wanted this year (Nicole Kidman from Moulin Rouge in her sparkly tux) but I went as a sexy witch/temptress to a party and as the Phantom to work. I don't think I've had any candy this year. I love dressing up :)

3. Blue October. This is a band for those of you who don't know. I have liked them since I first heard Into the Ocean playing on the radio. I didn't used to understand most of their songs, but I liked their unique style. Now that I have experienced a loss and struggle with suicidal thoughts everyday I understand them better.

"So say farewell to all the little things she would say and do
The morning, sleepy eyed girl waves goodbye to you
You're much to co-dependent
A shrink is recommended
Yeah...

But yeah, who are the people you hang around with?
Who are the ones you're gonna call?
When you feel like ending it all?"

Lately, a lot of people have suggested I talk to someone professionally about my issues. In the first line, I replace the girl with the boy and it reminds me of Jeff. (From The 21st)

"The loss of her, the one I love
My will to quickly end it all
Set front row in my need to fall"
(From Into the Ocean)

Also about suicide, this one talks of a break up I think, but ends up with a failed attempt at suicide. For me, losing Jeff is the reason I contemplated suicide... and they just get me.

Eh, three things is enough for now. Peace out.

On Rain and Suicide

2008-10-23T01:12:00.001-05:00

It is fall again in Nebraska. It's a time I usually enjoy, with the bright colors and cooler weather. It usually rains, of course, but it seems to be raining more this year. I always seem to cry when it rains...or maybe it rains when I cry. There is no doubt that I am depressed. I miss Jeff. Winter is always dispiriting for me, but I am dreading this coming year so much more because I will be alone.

It's just not fair. We did everything right. We were patient. For almost a whole year, I only got to see him on weekends. This summer, when I moved closer to him, I thought our life together was just beginning. There was so much to do, to see, to experience. And then one morning when the sun was shining and everything seemed so right and bursting with potential, he was gone. How can I not feel alone and like a waste of time? My whole life is gone. There just doesn't seem to be a point to being here anymore. I know my family and some friends care about me. I know that my departure from this life would break their hearts, but I still find myself wondering if it would be worth it. I spent a couple of hours tonight looking up articles on suicide and heaven. I didn't find an answer that I am happy with. It's just too sensitive a subject. Some people are absolutely positive that only hell awaits suicides, but then in the next article people believe that even suicide can't take eternal life away. I don't know what to think. I want to move on with my life, I really do. But I am tired of being lonely. I'm tired of having to live on a less than perfect Earth. I don't understand. I had finally found happiness. I could see my future with Jeff so clearly. Now I am in the darkest depths of despair. And I don't see the point of this suffering.
For now, I am at an impasse because I don't know what to do, but I am closer to whatever is coming than I have ever been before.

Like I Said...Merciless

2008-10-08T23:17:00.004-05:00

I can't believe that the last time I posted something on here was when I started dating Jeff. It's ironic or something because now Jeff is gone. He died a few weeks ago. It's still hard to write or say it. We had the most amazing relationship. I have never loved anyone as much as I loved him; as much as I still love him. What we had was truly special. He changed me in every way. He taught me to be independent, while at the same time taking away my freedom. I was chained to him heart and soul. I never used to believe in soul mates, but after witnessing our story, well, there is no doubt to me. He showed me a capacity for love I never knew I had. He was my best friend too.
The other night I was thinking about Jeff like I usually do before falling asleep. I have been struggling with thoughts of giving up on life. One day I am sure that there is no point to my existence without Jeff because he was my everything. The next day I will feel impatient for the rest of my life to begin. But this night I was in the no point valley. I was thinking about what I would give to see Jeff again. I was wondering if I could take my own life. For some reason it always seems so bleak when I start thinking like that. I don't usually come away with the guts to do it, but I suddenly realized that, if I truly believe in heaven or some kind of afterlife, I would see Jeff immediately. I could literally see him again in a few minutes or seconds. Instead of making me leap up and grab a razor, it made me realize that Jeff is not far away. He is as close as my next heartbeat. That is an amazing relief and comfort to me. Someday I will open my eyes and Jeff will be there waiting to hug me. There is no reason to believe that it will be later rather than sooner, I just have to find the courage to believe that there is a plan for me.

Big News!

2007-07-10T22:03:00.000-05:00

I have a new boyfriend! You'll never guess who it is. I will tell you though. It's Jeff. I know that you think it's weird, but I don't really care what you think. We've been dating since June 30. He asked me out at the Sunken Gardens. He just took my hand and sort of awkwardly asked me. It's weird though, cause even his awkward moments are cute. Speaking of awkward moments, I had my first kiss ever. I wondered if it would be hard to do and if I would be any good at it, and as it turns out I don't really think I am and it was very awkward, but worth it. That was a horrible sentence. Sarah would be appalled. I'm pretty happy with my life right now. I have only three days left of summer school, I talked to Sovida about the whole him and me thing not working, I am going on a schweet vacation next week, and my parents are letting up me a teensy bit.

Pretty Sure No One Reads This, So...

2007-04-26T00:10:00.001-05:00

I think some people think I am stupid. It's that or I don't communicate things very well....can't be that! In response to my last post, I got a phone call from a friend dealing with the God/commitment thing. She said that God isn't supposed to just be another commitment, but the foundation or platform that everything else builds on. I know this and I agree it's true. However, she can not deny that there are responsibilities that go with being a follower of Christ. Even taking out all the Bible reading, praying, and church-going there is the possibility that God could want me for missions or to be part of something incredibly time consuming. There is nothing wrong with that in general, but there are some laws that have to be followed, such as, if I undertook something that life-consuming I would have to sacrifice something else just to have time. I guess that's the real picture, isn't it? Life is all about sacrifices, and I know I am supposed to sacrifice myself for my God, and give up whatever it is holding me back from being completely real with Him. Honestly, it seems impossible. How can anyone just give up all their dreams and their life? WITH THE POWER OF THE HOLY SPIRIT!! some people claim. Unfortunately, there hasn't been all that much evidence of a holy spirit in my life. So many people have stories about miracles and the evidence of a great God in their lives, but all that is absent from my life. I've heard that God puts some people on this earth to be his people; to be messengers, soldiers, harvesters of souls, fishers of men. And that some people are merely hear to watch, to listen, to have faith. Maybe I'm here to be one of those people-the quiet observer. I fear being a soldier; for dying for what I believe in- so why do I feel so disappointed in merely being the audience? Heck, I'm not really the audience either. I'm more like the transients waiting outside the theater picking up the scraps of news from the real audience. It's like second-hand information.
Do I want to be God's hand? Do I want my way? Do I continue believing someday I will accomplish something great for Him? Or do I just give in to the current around me and do the best I can? Do I keep pretending that the only reason God isn't using me is because its a test of my faith? Is it faith or is it laziness? Forming the questions justs brings more to the surface. I need answers, but I feel like there is no one qualified to give me those answers here on earth. Not professors, or pastors, or friends who went to missionary school. They just aren't good enough. There's too much bias and human error in them. I need answers from God! The only other option, right? But what happens when you don't even know for sure if there is a god anymore? What then? Who do you turn to for answers? There is nothing but a void, an abyss that sucks everything into it and gives nothing back. I think that is the only reason my feeble "faith" is still there; without a god life would be too scary; too lonely; to horrible to imagine that after all of this awful life there is no heaven. No peace, no love, no fulfillment. It's perhaps a poor reason, but it is MY reason. I don't have faith to move mountains, or heal people or even bring anyone else into the "light," but if my faith is enough to keep me from utter despair, if it is only strong enough to keep me believing that there is possibly a god, I think it is worth it. What else can I do?

2007-04-22T15:31:00.000-05:00

I must be crazy, but I am looking forward to going home soon. Yes, I can still remember all the crap that happened last summer, and I recall desperately wanting to leave for school less than two months into summer. In spite of that I am ready for a break, and if home is the only way I can get it, I guess I want it.

All in all this semester hasn't been too bad. Once I get past all the disappointments and what should have happened, I see myself as a very different person than I was two years ago. I didn't like who I was then, but I'm not sure I like who I am now either. For now, God and I are more like acquaintances than close companions. At least back then I wanted to grow closer and be of use to Him. Now, with all the crap I put up with everyday, I think another commitment might kill me. I've lost a lot of things this semester in favor of school. God is one thing, friends are another. I used to count myself blessed in the friends department, but recently...yeah, I don't know. It seems like they are all moving on together, and without me. Yeah, cry me a river and all that, but it's not like I haven't at least tried to make new friends. That has proved to be more difficult than I could have ever imagined. Every one is glad to meet new people, but they don't want anyone to intrude on their established group. I understand that. I remember when Jay started dating Katt and I didn't want to open up to her and let her in. Strangely, it was Jay who introduced me to her, and it was also Jay who finally won her over for me. When I saw how upset she was about Jay, and wanting to break up with him...I guess I understood and that gave us a bond, at least from my point of view.

Um... got sidetracked...ah, things I lost this semester! Well, surprisingly, school has made me lose school. Yeah, confusing...with chemistry in my schedule, I've had to put off any interest I had in biology. My grades are dropping all over the board because of one gay 100-level course. I was really excited about this bios class, but its become more of a nuisance that takes up time I could be using to bash my head into my chemistry book. And Spanish...another class I used to enjoy. I have learned more in two semesters in college than I learned in three years at Parkview, but now I hate it. I hate it because it takes time. Time is something I used to take for granted; now I see it as a valuable commodity.

The only real hope I see in my future for some sort of change, or salvation, or revelation of myself is summer.
Then I will have time.

Look What I Found!

2007-04-09T22:38:00.000-05:00

My blog! I have missed it. Mmmm, the feeling of having free space to write whatever I want. I want to write about school. I need to whine a little.

It is down to the final four weeks of my sophomore year of college and I am freaking out. I mean, I'm taking all these hard science classes and they are kicking my backside, especially Chemistry. It's a form of torture too. The class I actually hate the most is Statistics. Gah, I don't get it. I took it because it was supposed to be easy. Ha, whatever. I have a good grade but I don't understand what I am doing. There is a cumulative final and our third test is coming up really soon. And papers! Six papers in four weeks. I don't think it is possible. Maybe if they were fun papers, but they are research papers. Just shoot me. There is a lot of stress in my life right now.

But just think! Only four weeks until summer vacation! I will have time for me again! I want to swim and be outside all the time. Poo, I will prolly have to work a lot. But money is good too, cause then I can buy things.

So things I have learned from college:
teachers are evil
Dorm food is evil
Snow days are a very evil thing
Work is boring
Larvae aren't as gross as I thought
Advisors are nuts- in a fun sorta way
Friends are fickle and expendable
Family is there for you...except when they are traveling the world without you
BOSU stands for BOth Sides Up
Early class is a curse
Late class is annoying
and relying on other people for rides is a bad idea.

2006-05-16T21:30:00.000-05:00

Brakes are really important on bikes. Brakes are something that people take for granted. After my little excursion/adventure today, I now fully appreciate them. Trying to jump off a moving bike or dragging one's feet do not count as brakes, and neither work very well. My poor legs are all cut up from my pedals scraping them as I tried to avoid collisions with...everything. Hmm, Pain is not a new concept for me, but it seems like I forget to take simple precautions to avoid it. Like sunscreen. So easy to apply and useful too! Unfortunately for me, I didn't use any and am now modeling a very nice shade of red on my forehead and arms. Duh, two hours under the sun will do that to me.

2006-05-14T16:39:00.000-05:00

So summer is boring. I always forget that. I mean, really, what is there to do? I could get a job, but that isn't fun, although I can hope for something that is mildly enjoyable. I can't go swimming until those dang public schools let out. My friends have sorta disappeared somewhere. I don't have a car, so I'm pretty much stuck within walking distance of my house. Since high schools are still in session, the sibs aren't around to hang with. Yes, it's that desparate. I would rather hang with them than just sit around all by myself evey day. Hmm, what else could I possibly do? Exercise. Haha. Just not my thing. I am attempting to cook things once in a while, but I always forget I have something in the oven and I end up burning it. Actually, putting stuff in the oven isn't what I have a problem with. I can set a beeper thing and then I'll remember. But cooking things on the stovetop is another thing. Especially if I'm supposed to stir it. Just last night I was making stew. Easy enough: dump in pot, stir, and heat. Haha, yeah right. I turned on the radio and started the dishes and completely forgot about it. If it wasn't for the bisquits in the oven (with a beeper) I would have totally ruined it. Gah! Cooking should not be this hard. I mean, millions of people do it every day. It is a necessary part of life! But I totally have problems with it. *sigh*
I guess its only been a week so far, and things will probably get better, maybe. =)

2006-05-01T20:08:00.000-05:00

The end of the school year is upon us. Now comes the sticky business of removing posters from walls, and donating old clothing to the vets. It is time for frantic checking of grades, and scrambling to complete extra credit. It is the time for me to cringe when thinking about going home for a whole summer. Again, I will hunt for a summer job, hate it, and then quit with a new lining of green paper in my wallet.
My time of to-do post-its, loft beds, and roommates has almost ended. Bad habits have been formed, friends made, classes passed. Fondly shall I remember my first year at college.

2006-04-19T11:44:00.000-05:00

It's been awhile since I posted anything. That's mostly due to the fact that I now consider blogging stupid. So this will prolly be my last post, unless something exciting actually happens to me. ALthough, no one reads this anyway. So, if you want to know what's going on with me, call me.

So now for the only bit of info that is remotely interesting:

I gave my speech on religion in public schools today. It seemed to go really well. And I wasn't at all nervous. It was crazy. Now I am done with that class! Afterwards, I was so happy I felt like I was going to explode. I wanted to skip or scream or laugh or cry or sing, but I couldn't with so many people around. *sigh* So my day has been pretty good so far. Yay! Next week is Dead Week!

2006-03-27T21:01:00.000-06:00

There's not much going on in my life. I am pretty much the most boring student ever. I don't fit into any group and have no life.

I am thinking about changing my major again. I'm not sure what I want to do, but I feel as if I am being led away from the English major. If I knew where God wanted me, I could easily line up my classes to aim for it or get out of college completely. It's just so silly to keep fumbling around without any clue as to what I should do.

Even with all the confusion about my career, things are looking up for next year. I can hardly wait for summer to be here and over with. I will have a job that I may or may not keep for the school year. I will be in a different dorm with one of my closest friends as my neighbor. Hopefully, I will have decided on my major, and maybe what I want to do. I may even be co-coaching a cheer team! That is the best part! Getting paid for something I love doing is really cool. Now if there was only something more practical I could love doing, so college wouldn't be an entire waste. Also, I will be done with a whole year of college! And, possibly, Jessica might be around. That would by far be the best thing of all, but I'm not making any plans.

2006-03-22T23:50:00.000-06:00

I got a phone call from "private line" tonight. I thought it was Jessica, but it turned out to be this stalker guy Jed, that I'd met at a wedding. I thought I had heard the last of him, but he found my number somewhere and called me. At first he was under the impression that he had met me at a bus stop, and that I had a nose ring or a lip ring or some kind of piercing in my face. I told him that I never went to the bus stop and I didn't know who he was. I knew perfectly well who he was, but most people try to avoid stalkers. Eventually, he started remembering this redheaded girl in a brown dress at a wedding. Said she was uber hot, and asked if I was her. I wasn't going to lie, but I didn't want him to know it was me. Just in time, he asked me if I'd been to a wedding since January. No, I hadn't, and that was my way out. This was where the conversation should have ended, but he just kept on talking, pouring his heart out to me, and asking inappropriate questions. Somehow, we got into an argument over the war and Bush and Clinton; he's a big fat liberal and I tend to take my parents' view on that. Then he started whining about women stereotypes and complaining about his relationships. He asked me some inappropriate questions about male body parts, and I straight out told him that I couldn't participate in such a discussion because, first, I was a virgin and could not relate to what he was talking about, and second, that the subject was totally disgusting to me.
Instead of making him decide to hang up, he thought that was very sexy, and then proceeded to tell me about all his girlfriends and his sex life. Finally, two hours and fourty-one minutes later, it was late enough for me to reasonably claim that I needed to go to bed. Jeez, it was strange.

I deceived him purposely. I told him I was a 5'8'' blonde with glasses who was slightly overweight, because, as he was trying to remember how he got my number, I saw he had an amazing memory for detail. I feel bad about lying, but he is so....creepy.

2006-03-19T17:53:00.000-06:00

Well, I am in the last few hours of Spring Break 2006. It hasn't been spectacular, just restful. The farthest I went from home was 66th and West O. I have so much to do to catch up on my slacking.

The family behaved pretty well while I was there. Jennifer and I had a few spats; I guess neither of us are mature enough to have that perfect sister relationship. Kellie and I were a little better. As a gesture of good faith, I cut both of their hair today before coming home. It was the first time I'd ever cut anyone's hair other than my own. Jennifer was first and I think it turned out pretty well. Kellie is a lot more picky about her hair. I think I did a much better job on hers, but she whined about it. So now I've added a new trade to my skills, or something. I guess I used to cut my mom's hair, so the above statement of me never cutting anyone else's hair isn't true.

Thank goodness this year/semester is almost over. I am so tired of class. This summer should be busy and I can't wait for warm weather to get here. Dang all this snow!

2006-03-16T00:15:00.000-06:00

I am spending the night at Sarah's tonight. All is good so far, no murder or unexplained accidents. I don't feel so well on account of my drinking three cans of pop today. Normally, I don't drink pop, but I sucked down a can of soda in less than two minutes. It wasn't even a kind I liked. Blah, I feel tired and my neck hurts from sleeping on the pull-out at my parentals'. So I went to apply for a job today, sorta, but my told me about another opportunity that would suit me much better. All I got to do is take a coaching class. Intrigued? Too bad, I'm not going to tell you!!!!

2006-03-10T15:28:00.000-06:00

This time I was ready for her. Jessica called again today, twice actually, since we talked for so long that the system kicked us off. I was so good to hear her voice, and it made me realize that I miss the little isms that she does with certain words. She wanted to know all that was going on in my life, and then read me a devotional she had read. It had a lot to do with what God is trying to teach me right now. She made me cry multiple times, but once the seriousness was over, we started talking like best friends again. She still eats weird, and has developed a taste for cereal with hot milk. Nasty as it sounds, I shall try it because I try all of her concoctions. It's a good thing it's break, cause people in the cafeteria at school would look at me funny if I stuck a bowl of cereal in the microwave.

Today was perfected by her calling. I mean, it was the last day of school for a whole week, and it's gorgeous outside, and I get to pack (something I love to do), and my friend called me!! It doesn't get much better than that.

On a different note, I finally finished Boy Meets Girl. I started it sometime last semester, and have been reading infrequently over the last couple of months. It's supposed to be about courtship, but there are so many other good lessons in there. I feel like I have a lot to do in my life before I become seriously involved with another guy. I have never thought of myself as a mature Christian, but until now, I didn't really know what to do about it. I kinda thought one day it would just happen. I'm still not sure if I'll even know when I hit that mark. But I have a long way to go, and I plan to do my best on getting there. I won't be alone of course! I wouldn't make it if God wasn't there to carry me sometimes.

Yay, Spring Break!!!!!!

2006-03-01T22:53:00.000-06:00

This is funny and odd; like nobody thought I am shy.

Arena

(known to self and others)

modest, organised, self-conscious, sentimental, trustworthy

Blind Spot

(known only to others)

caring, cheerful, clever, dependable, energetic, friendly, happy, helpful, intelligent, kind, loving, observant, warm, wise, witty

Façade

(known only to self)

introverted

Unknown

(known to nobody)

able, accepting, adaptable, bold, brave, calm, complex, confident, dignified, extroverted, giving, idealistic, independent, ingenious, knowledgeable, logical, mature, nervous, patient, powerful, proud, quiet, reflective, relaxed, religious, responsive, searching, self-assertive, sensible, shy, silly, spontaneous, sympathetic, tense

Dominant Traits

66% of people think that Alyssa Elwood is loving
66% of people agree that Alyssa Elwood is trustworthy

All Percentages

able (0%) accepting (0%) adaptable (0%) bold (0%) brave (0%) calm (0%) caring (33%) cheerful (33%) clever (16%) complex (0%) confident (0%) dependable (33%) dignified (0%) energetic (16%) extroverted (0%) friendly (33%) giving (0%) happy (16%) helpful (16%) idealistic (0%) independent (0%) ingenious (0%) intelligent (50%) introverted (0%) kind (16%) knowledgeable (0%) logical (0%) loving (66%) mature (0%) modest (33%) nervous (0%) observant (16%) organised (16%) patient (0%) powerful (0%) proud (0%) quiet (0%) reflective (0%) relaxed (0%) religious (0%) responsive (0%) searching (0%) self-assertive (0%) self-conscious (33%) sensible (0%) sentimental (16%) shy (0%) silly (0%) spontaneous (0%) sympathetic (0%) tense (0%) trustworthy (66%) warm (16%) wise (16%) witty (16%)

Created by the Interactive Johari Window on 2.3.2006, using data from 6 respondents.
You can make your own Johari Window, or view Alyssa Elwood's full data.

My 100th Post

2006-02-26T23:01:00.000-06:00

This weekend seemed so short. It's not fair. I hardly spent any time at all having fun. I did some weird things like cleaning out my mom's frig, and some enjoyable things like going for a long, relaxing run. I'm getting to the point where I am missing my Jessica. I had hoped that I would be busy enough to miss out on that for a few months. It has been less than one month. Five more to go.
Me and my daddy filled out my housing contract next year. I'm excited and scared silly at the same time. I mostly just want a change. This semester has been so monotonous. I really don't want to think about being only one month into it. Ugh. Life seems like it is going so slow.
I made some money this weekend, which is good because my money is running out. Which brings me into my next topic. I am starting to think about getting a job for this summer and possibly for the following year. My dad thinks it should be something like an internship, but I would have no idea what to look for. I don't know what I am doing yet! He gave me an ultimatum: get a job or take a paper route. I don't want to get up early anymore, so I will try to find a job.

2006-02-22T21:09:00.000-06:00

My thoughts are all over the place. Three places to post is too many. Several events have happened of late that brought back some good memories. Jessica's dance competition was one. I miss performing for those sooooo much. I also miss her and her family. They were all really good to me. They were so different from my family. In truth, I've never found a family quite like mine. It's very strange how unique we are. I think I may run around in my cheer uniform for fun this summer, if it still fits. I'm not exactly sure how the freshman fifteen are coming along. I went to the doctor last month and my weight was the same as it was my senior year. Although my clothes don't fit the same, I don't think I've gained any weight. I've lost a ton of muscle since I'm not lifting people over my head anymore.
I need to buy new towels, mine got kinda bleached, and don't look so good. Instead of a uniform grey, they are sorta orange-ish. Not very attractive. Walmart has some really bright and happy towels.
So, did you know there is 10% alcohol in Nyquil? I didn't either, until I got sick. Nasty stuff it is. And it doesn't knock me out. For instance, I went to bed at 12 last night, and I woke up around one thinking it was time to get up. Then I proceeded to wake up every hour. Stupid stuff. I need sleep to help me recover and to focus in class. I can't fall asleep in History again. That wasn't a good idea.
I've been toying with the idea of cutting and dying my hair. It is getting far too bushy and I am sick of my color. It is so blah in the winter time. In summer, it's a bold redish hue, but now its dull and unpretty. So, I was thinking a dark chocolatey brown. And just a few inches off with some heavy thinning. Oooooh that would feel so good. We'll see though, cause I'm a little hard pressed for cash right now.

2006-02-17T17:08:00.000-06:00

I am slowly dehydrating. I woke up this morning with a heavy nosebleed. I am already losing gallons of fluids from a runny nose. Then I was teasing my Boo and he scratched me and I bled a lot. I've had fevers for the last two nights and that makes me sweat a lot. I don't drink enough water or juice. I don't like them. Therefore, I am losing more liquids than I am taking in. Oh the joys of being sick.
I got dehydrated at camp once. It was not pleasant. I got all shaky and passed out. Then I fell off the top bunk onto a concrete floor. So, being as I don't want to feel like that again, and even though wood is softer than concrete, I shall drink something.

2006-01-12T14:29:00.000-06:00

All of my pictures of me and my friends are from happy times. Have you ever noticed that? We try to capture beautiful moments when everyone is happy or at least content. For some reason that depresses me. Where are all the moments that I stood through trials? Or the times when I failed, but still learned valuable lessons? I wrote about most of them, but will the words remind me of them as vividly as pictures would have?
On the corkboard in front of me are pinned many of my happiest times. There's a flock of geese at Pioneer's Park, Jeff pointing at something with the ocean at his back, the pyramids in Mexico, Smudge in my old room, Danielle and Nick in formal wear in front of my house, me and Tanya at graduation, Nick dressed as a geek and me dressed in a poodle skirt, Paul in his blue tux at spring banquet, Muffin at cheer camp, Kellie and Amber in band shirts, Ben Jeff Celeste and Jessica in the lobby of our hotel, Sarah and Dustin posing for the camera, my family at an old mining shaft it Colorado. Good times.

2006-01-06T15:30:00.000-06:00

Ain't we shexy?

2006-01-03T23:34:00.000-06:00

How grammatically correct are you? (Revised with answer key)
brought to you by Quizilla

The Anal-Retentive List

2006-01-03T23:20:00.000-06:00

Bolded are the ones that I do:

* you eat the M&Ms in color order.
* you fold your dirty clothes before putting them in the hamper.
* you have to have all boxes in the kitchen facing the same way and in order by size.
* you have all your canned goods organized by type, flavor, and use.
* and they're all facing the front.
* all your books, CDs, and movies have to be alphabetical order.
* you require no less than 200 threads per inch on your sheets.
* ...and they are tucked so tightly that you really could bounce a quarter on them.
* you alphabetize your spices.
* you actually bother trying to convince someone that the 3rd millenium hasn't begun yet (or that it *has* begun).
* you organize your closet by color, season, and fabric.
* you flame every person who sent you email because the emails weren't spelled correctly or gramatically correct.
* you remove the tires to wash inside the wheel-wells of your vehicle.
* you collect the little postcards in magazine issues...
* ...for recycling.
* every e-mail reply that you send has been through a grammar checker...
* ...and you correct the original message.
* you're on a "calorie-counting" diet and you count the calories in the hot sauce on your "Big Beef Burrito Supreme"

2005-12-23T15:34:00.000-06:00

Flash Slideshow

2005-12-05T22:43:00.000-06:00

I don't deserve him, I really don't. He's been so good to me, and I pretty much treat him like crap.
For some reason, we've become less compatible over the last few weeks. Maybe we never were compatible. Perhaps we've just pretended or ignored it. When I think of why I shouldn't be dating him I come up with a long list. But then I think about why I want to stay with him, I can't really give a logical or practical reason. The reason is this: whenever he's away I can't concentrate. For instance, yesterday at church he left for some reason. I couldn't concentrate on the speaker at all, no matter how hard I tried. But, as soon as he came back I was totally focused on the speaker. I guess just having his presence around me is comforting. It's weird though, cause we always seem to disagree when we are together. See what I mean about not logical?
Even at the Plamor, when I was mad at him I didn't want him to leave. As soon as I found out he was leaving, I got that antsy, I-don't-know-what-to-do-with-myself feeling. I couldn't focus on the music or the people on the floor anymore.

2005-12-02T16:32:00.000-06:00

My new nick-name is A to the E. Thanks to Andrew.

2005-12-02T14:36:00.000-06:00

You Are Phish Food Ice Cream

You've been described as gooey and fudgey. Sorry.

What Flavor Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream Are You?

Hehe. I laugh.

At The Park

2005-12-02T00:04:00.000-06:00

This one isn't from Thanksgiving, but since I was the photographer there weren't many photos of me. So, here's me!

Nick showing off...again.

2005-12-01T23:54:00.000-06:00

Hehe! My other cousin with the baby!

2005-12-01T23:52:00.000-06:00

This is the first time he held Kavontay

My Lovely Sisters

2005-12-01T23:50:00.000-06:00

Gosh, I wish they would at least pretend to dress nicely!

2005-12-01T23:47:00.000-06:00

This blog needs some pictures...So here's some of my fabulous Thanksgiving with my cousins and grandparents:

First, me with my cousin's baby, Kavontay. He's so cute and wiggly!

2005-12-01T18:05:00.000-06:00

You Are a Normal Girl

You are 60% Good and 40% Bad
Sure you've pulled some bad girl stunts in your past.
But these days, you're (mostly) a good girl.

Are You a Good Girl or a Bad Girl?

2005-12-01T16:48:00.000-06:00

I love the Gilmore Girls. It is a great program. Le sigh. So yes, it is that time of year that I declare I hate, but in all truth this is the time of year I love. I love the crisp air that's heavy with the sound of bells. And at night, after its just snowed, how the sky is glowing. I know, I'm so cheesy. Actually, I'd rather be called inspired. Yes, I have been spending a lot more time at my school work than working on my social life. An update: my social life sucks. It's practically non-existent. The bright side? Not as many Christmas gift to buy! Yeah, well I know that I could just go meet some new people, figure out the problems I have with Jay, and try to be a more pleasant person in general and I'd prolly have an abundance of friends. Hmmm?

I went to my high school, Parkview Christian, today. There were only a few people I wanted to see, and I didn't think I'd get to see them. Turns out that I did see one of them and got a big hug. I miss those hugs....used to get them all the time. It's amazing how you can get a huge lift from a hug.

2005-11-29T15:06:00.000-06:00

Ha! Not a whore! Yay! only 116 movies for me!

Copy/Paste this list, bold the movies you've seen, add five more movies (that you have seen) count them up, if you have over 120 movies, you're a movie whore

1.Napoleon Dynamite

2. Saw

3. White Noise

4. White Oleander

5. Anger Management

6. 50 First Dates

7. Jason

8. Scream

9. Scream 2

10. Scream 3

11. Scary Movie

12. Scary Movie 2

13. Scary Movie 3

14. American Pie

15. American Pie 2

16. American Wedding

17. Harry Potter 1

18. Harry Potter 2

19. Harry Potter 3

20. Resident Evil I

21. Resident Evil 2 (aka RE: Apocalypse)

22. The Wedding Singer

23. Little Black Book

24. The Village

25. Donnie Darko

26. Lilo & Stitch

27. Finding Nemo

28. Finding Neverland

29. 13 Ghosts

30. Signs

31. The Grinch

32. Texas Chainsaw Massacre (The Original)

33. White Chicks

34. Butterfly Effect

35. 13 going on 30

36. I, Robot

37. Dodgeball

38. Universal Soldier

39. A Series Of Unfortunate Events

40. Along Came A Spider

41. Deep Impact

42. Kingpin

43. Never Been Kissed

44. Meet The Parents

45. Meet The Fockers

46. Eight Crazy Nights

47. A Cinderella Story

48. The Terminal

49. The Lizzie McGuire Movie

50. Passport to Paris

51. Dumb & Dumber

52. Dumb & Dumberer

53. Final Destination

54. Final Destination 2

55. Halloween

56. Halloween 2

57. Halloween 3

58. Halloween 4

59. Halloween 5

60. H20

61. Halloween: the Resurrection

62. The Ring

63. The Ring 2

64. Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle

65. Practical Magic

66. Chicago

67. Ghost Ship

68. From Hell

69. Team America: World Police

70. Hellboy

71. Secret Window

72. I Am Sam

73. The Whole Nine Yards

74. The Day After Tomorrow

75. Child's Play

76. Bride of Chucky

77. Ten Things I Hate About You

78. Just Married

79. Gothika

80. Nightmare on Elm Street

81. Sixteen Candles

82. Bad Boys 2

83. Joy Ride

84. Seven

85. Oceans Eleven

86. Oceans Twelve

87. Identity

88. Lone Star

89. Bedazzled

90. Predator

91. Predator II

92. Independence Day

93. Cujo

94. A Bronx Tale

95. Darkness Falls

96. Christine

97. ET

98. Children of the Corn

99. My Boss' Daughter

100. Maid in Manhattan

101. Frailty

102. Best bet

103. How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days

104. She's All That

105. Calendar Girls

106. Sideways

107. Mars Attacks

108. Event Horizon

109. Ever After

110. Forrest Gump

112. Big Trouble in Little China

113. X-Men

114. X-Men 2

115. Jeepers Creepers

116. Jeepers Creepers 2

117. Catch Me If You Can

118. The Others

119. Freaky Friday

120. Reign of Fire

121. Man on Fire

122. Braveheart

123. Cruel Intentions

124. The Hot Chick

125. Swimfan

126. Miracle

127. Friday Night Lights

128. Old School

129. Ray

130. The Notebook

131. K-Pax

132. Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring

133. Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers

134. Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King

135. A Walk to Remember

136. Sweet Home Alabama

137. Moulin Rouge

138. Boogeyman

139. Hitch

140. Back Door Sluts 9

141. The Fifth Element

142. Star Wars episode I

143. Star Wars episode II

144. Star Wars episode IV

145. Star Wars episode V

146. Star Wars episode VI

147. Troop Beverly Hills

148. Swimming with Sharks

149. Trainspotting

150. People under the stairs

151. Blue Velvet

152. The Sound of Music

153. Parent Trap

154. The Burbs

155. SLC Punk

156. Meet Joe Black

157. Wild Girls

158. A Clockwork Orange

159. The Order

160. Spiderman

161. Spiderman 2

162. Amelie

163. Mean Girls

164. Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen

165. Shrek

166. Shrek 2

167. The Incredibles

168. Collateral

169. The Fast & The Furious

170. 2 Fast 2 Furious

171. Sky Captain & The World of Tomorrow

172. Closer

173. The Sixth Sense

174. Artificial intelligence

175. Love, Actually

176. The Sweetest Thing

177. Shutter

178. Ella Enchanted

179. Princess diaries 1

180. Princess diaries 2

181. The Breakfast Club

182. October Sky

183. Remember the Titans

184. Titanic

185. Boondock Saints

186. American History X

187. Fight Club

188. Heavenly Creatures

189. Stealing Beauty

190. Like Water For Chocolate

191. Powwow Highway

192. Secretary

193. But I'm A Cheerleader

194. I <3 Huckabees

195. Ripley's Game

196. Coffee And Cigarettes

197. Taxi Driver

198. Silence Of The Lambs

199. The Exorcist

200. If Lucy Fell

201. Lady Jane

201. When Harry met Sally

202. Me, Myself & Irene

203. Kung Fu Hustle

204. Sin City

205. Labyrinth

206. Much Ado About Nothing

207. The Cowboy Way

208. Paulie

209. Blazing Saddles

210. Galaxy Quest

211. Guildenstern and Rosencrantz are Dead

212. Citizen Kane

213. You Can Count on Me

214. Young Frankenstein

215. Raiders of the Lost Ark

216. Starman

217. St. Elmos Fire

218. Coyote Ugly

219. The Other Sister

220. Rainman

221. Little Shop of Horrors

222. Chasing Amy

223. House of Sand and Fog

224. Mildred Pierce

225. The Big Lebowski

226. Mallrats

227. Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind

228. The Goonies

229. Starsky & Hutch

230. Saved!

231. The Upside of Anger

232. Sweet Sweetback's Baadasssss Song

233. The Cat's Meow

234. The Rutles

235. Waking Ned Devine

236. Pirates of the Caribbean

237. Little Women

238. Huck Finn

239. National Treasure

240. Oh Brother Where Art Thou?

241. Dick

242. Howard the Duck

243. Garden State

244. Hero

245. Spinal Tap

246. Almost Famous

247. Before Sunrise

248. Before Sunset

249. Troy

250. Gone With The Wind

251. Chocolat

252. Gentlemen Prefer Blondes

253. Now and Then

254. Romeo and Juliet

255. Ferris Bueler's Day Off

256. Grease

257. Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?

258. Mr. North

259. The African Queen

260. The Wizard of Oz

261. Country Girl

262. Philadelphia

263. Bringing Up Baby

264. The Aviator

265. An Affair to Remember

266. Sabrina

267. Holiday

268. Conspiracy Theory

269. Stage Door

270. Rigaletto

271. White Christmas

272. Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

273. The Wedding Planner

274. Arsenic and Old Lace

275. A Day at the Races

276. Willy Wonka

277. Bend it Like Beckham

278. Star Wars Episode III

279. A Beautiful Mind

280. Urban Legend

281. The Dead Poet's Society

282. Kill Bill vol. 1

283. Kill Bill vol. 2

284. The Royal Tenenbaums.

285. The Life Aquatic

286. American Beauty

287. A Chorus Line

288. Iron Jawed Angels

289. Phantom of the Opera

290. A League of their Own

291. Stuart Little

292. Notting Hill

293. A Lot Like Love

294. Along came Polly

295. Billy Madison

296. Happy Gilmore

297. A Hard Day's Night

298. Monty Python and the Holy Grail

299. The Motorcycle Diaries

300. Y Tu Mama Tambien

301. Bokura no War Game

302. Raise Your Voice

303. The Birds

304. Camp Nowhere

305. Billy Elliot

306. Anchorman

307. The Crow

308. *62

309. Queen Of The Damned

310. Jumanji

311. Gattaca

312. Benny and Joon

313. Tank Girl

314. Monty Python: The Meaning of Life

315. A Knight's Tale

316. Anastasia

317. Unconditional Love

318. Casablanca

319. About A Boy

320. Bridget Jones's Diary

321. Bridget Jones's Diary: The Edge of Reason

322. Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

323. House of Flying Daggers

324. Legally Blonde

325. Sense and Sensibility

326. School of Rock

327. It Could Happen to You

328. Wilde

329. Dark City

330. Home Fries

331. House Arrest

332. Leon: The Professional

333. You Can't Take It With You

334. Seven Brides for Seven Brothers

335. Singin' in the Rain

336. Ball of Fire

337. Double Indemnity

338. Mame (Auntie Mame)

339. The Grass is Always Greener

340. Bonnie & Clyde

341. Valley Girl

342. Fast Time at Ridgemont High

343. Sleepless In Seattle

344. Serendipity

335. It's A Wonderful Life

336. Crash

337. We Don't Live Here Anymore

338. the Girl Next Door

339. Amadeus

340. Life as a House

341. Bubble Boy

342. Shattered Glass

343. Big Fish

344. X-Files

345. Sleepy Hollow

346. Robin Hood: Men in Tights

347. The Faculty

348. The Fog

349. Buried on Sunday

350. Better than Chocolate

351. The Hulk

352. Empire Records

353. Hunt for Red October

354. Heathers

355. Where Eagles Dare

356. Latter Days

357. Goldeneye

358. The Adventures of Priscilla: Queen of the Desert

359. Gladiator

360. Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World

361. The Matrix

362. The Princess Bride

363. K-19: The Widow Maker

364. Green Card

365. Shakespeare in Love

366. 25th Hour

367. Attila

368. Les Choristes

369. Anywhere But Here

370. Henry V

371. Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil

372. Elizabeth

373. Monty Python's The Life of Brian

374. Shaun of the Dead

375. Remote

376. The Mask

377. Broadcast News

378. The Triplets of Belleville

379. Edward Scissorhands

380. The Piano

381. A Very Long Engagement

382. Down With Love

383. Triangle

384. The Patriot

385. The Jewel of the Nile

386. The Mothman Prophecies

387. Turner & Hooch

388. Looking for Richard

389. Born into Brothels

390. Mar Adentro (the sea inside)

391. Good Will Hunting

392.Bleu

393. Lost In Translation

394. The Jacket

395. Serial Mom

396. Brazil

397. American Psycho

398. Airheads

399. Army of Darkness

400. Mortal Kombat

401. Blade

402. Bubba Hop

403. Office Space

405. Clerks

406. Spun

407. Requiem for a dream

408. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

409. The Nightmare before Christmas

410. Lost Highway

411. Flight Plan

412. Mr. 3000

413. Honey

414. Jaws

415. The Passion of the Christ

416. Godzilla

417. Harry Potter 4

418. Beauty and the Beast

419. Mrs. Doubtfire

420. Pride and Prejudice

2005-11-28T12:09:00.000-06:00

Advanced Global Personality Test Results

Extraversion	\|\|\|\|\|\|	23%
Stability	\|\|\|\|	20%
Orderliness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	73%
Accommodation	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Interdependence	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Intellectual	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Mystical	\|\|\|\|	16%
Artistic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	83%
Religious	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	90%
Hedonism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Materialism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Narcissism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Adventurousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|	23%
Work ethic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Self absorbed	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Conflict seeking	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Need to dominate	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%

Romantic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Avoidant	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Anti-authority	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Wealth	\|\|\|\|\|\|	23%
Dependency	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Change averse	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Cautiousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Individuality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Sexuality	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Peter pan complex	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Physical security	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Physical Fitness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	44%
Histrionic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Paranoia	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Vanity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Hypersensitivity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Female cliche	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

2005-11-28T10:38:00.000-06:00

Yeah, so winter sucks. Not only is the weather depressing and cold, but I'm depressed and cold. Not that the weather has much to do with being depressed. It just makes it so much easier to forget about stuff when it's sunny outside. Anyways...

I haven't posted in a while because I've been trapped at my parents house. They have dial-up and it sucks! NO posting or MSN for me. About all I can do there is check email. It was such a relief to plug my lappy into my dorm. AHHHH! High speed all the way! Yeah so the family definitely behaved while I was there. I didn't really see much of them as I spent most of the week in the basement "guest room." Yeah, guest room, psh. If you could only see it. Imagine, a "guest room" where you had to clean it yourself, spray for bugs, kill daddy-long-legs, and get a space heater. Plus the door doesn't open from the inside. Yes. I did lock myself in there during my stay. Laugh all you want; I could have died. My mom kept forgetting that I was there so she wouldn't have even missed me until it was too late.

I got to hold my, um, step-cousin's baby at my aunt's house. His, the baby, name is Kevontay. He's pretty cute, but he wiggles! And he couldn't keep his binkie in his mouth. I think he found it funny to watch me pick it up repeatedly. Meh. My family is so disfunctional.

Funny thing happened in History today. My Professor was talking about Martin Luther and a girl raised her hand to tell him he had a sock hanging out of his sleeve! So funnny! Reminded me of the time my dad had a dryer sheet hanging out of his jacket.

Okay, the happiness is gone again, and I am going back to my depressed state.

Last night totally stunk. I didn't get to the Plamor last night. It appears that Jay and I have had another falling out. I'm getting to the point where I don't even care anymore. I don't know if this relationship is worth all the crap I've had to put up with. I don't really care that Emily and Vanessa don't like me (I don't like them all that much either) but it annoys me that they always have Jay over, but never invite me. They know I'm his girlfriend, and its rude to do that. Makes me wonder what goes on over there.

2005-11-21T15:14:00.000-06:00

This is rapidly turning into the worst week of my life. First, Grandpa E came down from Fremont for dinner with my family. On the way home after dinner, my family started telling me how awful I am. That I'm selfish and ungrateful. I felt just like I used to when I lived at home, like crying all the time. I was moody and on the verge of tearing up at anything. Now I know why I spent so much time alone in my room. I felt like I did the time I eavesdropped on my parents one night. Their room shares a wall with mine. If I laid on the floor next to the door, I could hear almost anything they said. They were talking about Parkview at first, how it had gone down the toilet. Somehow they got onto the topic of leaders. They mentioned Josh Sawyer and Ben Grone. I was fine until my dad said that none of his kids were like that. That's when I started crying. After all my struggles to get top grades and be the perfect kid, I still wasn't good enough! None of my accomplishments mattered to him. All he could see were the people who were better than me. After all, he was valedictorian of a class of 5000, and he never had a B until college, and was the star of the basketball, tennis, and whatever other teams. He played four different instruments, and played chess. His oldest daughter didn't even come close to any of that. She'd finally gotten a job when she was thirteen, and she barely passed math with a B, she was a cheerleader rather than a sports maniac, she didn't stick with band, her choir wasn't good enough, she didn't have many friends, on and on. What's wrong with me? That was the worst night of my life, and this weekend wasn't any better. I'd almost forgotten about all that. I thought everything was better when they found out I was salutatorian. But apparently even that wasn't good enough.
I just want to please them. I always feel so good when my mom thanks me for cleaning something. I'd clean fifty rooms just so she'd notice one of them. And I thought was worth it. But my dad never said anything like that to me. He never toldme that I was good at something. He never went to any of my cheer competitions or pep rallies. But he never missed one of Kellie's basketball games or Jennifer's volleyball matches.
Even after all this, it's not him I'm upset with; I'm upset with myself for not being good enough.

2005-11-21T14:42:00.000-06:00

You Passed 8th Grade Math

Congratulations, you got 7/10 correct!

Could You Pass 8th Grade Math?

WHEEEEE! I'm excited!

Don't Read This If You Like Thanksgiving

2005-11-21T11:57:00.000-06:00

Poo. I hate Thanksgiving. I hate the smell of turkey and how stuffing tastes. I try it every year thinking it will taste different, but, alas, it doesn't. I hate eating off of paper plates because Grandma is sick. I hate watching football or basketball or golf or whatever lame sport happens to be on the television. I hate the television. I hate it when my parents and sisters get righteous on me and make me feel like crap. That's why I'm writting this. I went out to dinner with my family this weekend. I got insulted and crapified. Crap- such a lovely word. My family unofficially uninvited me to Thanksgiving dinner. So poo on them. I've tried to get along with everyone, but my attempt was all in vain. My parents have always expected way too much from me, and I'm sick of it. Kellie and Jennifer don't have such high standards. I hate being the oldest child.

But one thing I do love is being away from them. Thank God for college.

You Are The Stuffing

You're complicated and complex, yet all your pieces fit together.

People miss you if you're gone - but they're not sure why.

What Part of Thanksgiving Are You?

Go figure.

2005-11-16T19:25:00.000-06:00

Le sigh... Seven more days until Thanksgiving break. Just in time it started snowing. As much as I loathe being cold, seeing snow is exciting because it means Christmas is almost here. I can't wait till the day after Thanksgiving so I can start listening to Christmas music. Why wait, you ask. Well, it's a family tradition to wait until the day after Thanksgiving to put up lights, decorate, and listen to Christmas music.
I started looking for Christmas presents for my family a few days ago. I'm thinking of getting Jennifer a little spy camera. She and Vienna would like it. No clue what to get the rest of my family. Well, I might get my mom some stackable, matching tupperware. Then she can throw out all the other stuff.
I don't want to stay at home with my family over breaks. I fight with them when I'm just there for the weekend. Imagine a couple of weeks....no! I can't to scary! I prolly won't be at home much. I hope that I can get a job helping Val's for the holidays. The rest of the time I'll be with friends.
I just found out an interesting bit of info yesterday. The English language is the only language that capitalizes the personal pronoun I. Does that make us arrogant? What's so special about us that we get to capitalize ourselves? IDK.

2005-11-15T17:59:00.000-06:00

Yuck. lab sucked today. We had a rat dissection. It wouldn't have been so bad, but the TA had to kill the rats right before class. That meant that they were still warm and full of blood. Poor little guys. I figured out that its the smell of fermaldehyde(sp?) that bothers me the most. Next it's the blood. Some of the rats were having muscular contractions. Ewwwwww. It was not an enjoyable experience. Thank the Lord that I only have to go to that class two more times. One of them is the final, so I don't know if that will take the full three hours. It would be awful if it did. Think about it: a three hour final? Yuck. Next week is flowering plants and stuff. No more reproduction or animal intestines! yay.

Googled ME

2005-11-11T01:15:00.000-06:00

Alyssa needs a mother
Alyssa needs EMO BOOOOOOYS
Alyssa needs some good professional help
Alyssa needs to buy a car to get back and forth to classes
Alyssa needs tocalm down and accept the fact that she will never be me or as sexy as me
Alyssa needs to subtract 75 from 289
Alyssa needs help after 5:00 each day counting donations
Alyssa needs someone to take the parking committee
Alyssa needs to runfaster!
Alyssa needs to practice her reading
Alyssa needs a break
Alyssa needs a little fatherly attention
Alyssa needs to improve her expressions
Alyssa needs some healing timeAlyssa needs to get A picture of you
Alyssa needs long hair and that's Final
Alyssa needs to be taken away from the cat food, fed some baby foodAlyssa needs a place to stay
Alyssa needs to get to Florida as soon as possible
Alyssa needs you more than you realize
Alyssa needs dressy shoes for the dance they'll be having for the cheerleaders
Alyssa needs two weeks off to move into her new house
Alyssa needs to get on a more regular and "normal" schedule
Alyssa needs to create a controlgroup
Alyssa needs to learn to be a big girl
Alyssa needs a man, now.
alyssa needs a better bf
Alyssa needs to lose the tude
Alyssa needs some serious fun
Alyssa needs a tissue
Alyssa needs to catch up on her sleep. Those bags under her Eyes are big enough to pack enough clothes in for a European vacation

2005-11-08T14:48:00.000-06:00

I feel contaminated, dirty, vile, disgusted, nauseous, and ill. It's amazing the emotions and feelings lab gives me. Today was the worst one we've done. We are on mammalian reproduction. I knew it would be bad, but when we had to look at a pregnant pig uterus...ugh. There were still babies in it, oh, I'm sorry, fetuses. I haven't felt well all day and that made it worse.

2005-11-07T18:15:00.000-06:00

"There were two in the bed and the little one said 'Roll over, roll over!' So they all rolled over and Jessica fell off! There was one in the bed and Alyssa said 'Goodnight!"

2005-11-07T18:14:00.000-06:00

The fraternity with cool Homecoming stuff. Pic by Sarah.

2005-11-07T18:13:00.000-06:00

Me and Sarah at my graduation party. Aren't we cute?!

Beautiful PictureThat Must Be Posted........

2005-11-07T18:03:00.000-06:00

2005-11-07T17:01:00.000-06:00

*Almost Worth Your Time*
You like to be random, don't you?
Your FULL name?:	Alyssa Gorgeous Elwood
You'd rather be named::	Alyssa Gorgeous Bloom
How was the weather today?:	Sunny and crisp
What do you think:	about?
Let's say you just got two parakeets. What would you name them?:	raoul, satine
Ur husband/wife wants to name ur child Shaniqua Lachefruh Latoya. You say::	"hell no"
Canada is:	cool
Mexico is:	really cool
Germany is:	boring
You love these: Say the word that pops into ur head when u hear:
baby:	diapers
trash:	can
horse:	horse?
orange:	llamas
toast:	butter
couch:	love seat
home:	jay's apartment. thats weird
bird:	bath
bed:	cover
beaver:	tail
white:	black
rock:	ness monster
How do you feel about
racist people?:	not cool
George Bush?:	he's got a lot to deal with
abortion?:	evil
Elton John?:	good voice
country music?:	i love it
hip hop?:	its okay
Finish the sentence.
Yesterday I:	went to church
I CANNOT believe:	bad drivers drive
Why do::	people fall for the wrong people
_____ is such a _____:	Jessica ... angel
I ______ when I heard Britney Spears was coming to town.:	cried
Justin Timerlake is so ______.:	creepy
I got yelled at when _____.:	i broke my finger
_____ makes me giggle madly.:	chocolate
The chicken was trying to cross the road when suddenly:	he got run over
The Simpsons are ______.:	stupid
I was just sitting there when suddenly:	a spider bit me
Tomorrow will be:	awful
One time, at band camp,:	i heard about that
Lord of the Rings sucks, T/F?:	false
Take this survey \| Find more surveys You've been totally Bzoink*d

2005-11-07T16:32:00.000-06:00

*You or your best friend*
first off, who is your best friend?:	I have many, but for the purpose of this survey, this round, Jessica
now, for each pick you or your best friend.
Who is smarter?:	She is smarter in math and practical stuff, I am smarter everywhere else!
Who is more annoying?:	She is, but we both know the llama song
Who has more friends?:	Jessica, she holds on to people forever
Who has more ennemies?:	Jessica is a saint so she is unhateable, so me
Who talks more when it's just the two of you?:	equal. We take turns on who talks.
Who is the wookie?-who's ugly-er?:	This is a mean question, my friends read this! So.....
Who cheats at board games?:	I know its me. Sigh, but I have children to feed so don't take my moneys
Who loves animals more?:	Me, as she's allergic
Who can eat more?:	Her usually, but I can pack it in when I'm hungry enough. But if you want to see someone eat a lot go up to pender and challenge ben to a eating contest. He'll win, hands down
Who can burp louder?:	I don't burp, I'm a lady. But I've heard some stories about Jess and her unladylike behavior.......
Who is more likely to cry.:	Me. Just looking at me wrong can get me going
Who has more useless talents?:	Me. I can fold my tongue into a three leaf clover, i can unwrap a starburst in my mouth, and make pencils lood like flowers
Who's messy?:	She is, have you seen her room, or the living room, or the dining room, or her car(now thats atrocious)
Who's more likely to get married young?:	ME. jessicas gonna be a nun
Who's more likely to fall out of a tree?:	Me. but I am used to falling from great heights. I got dropped repeatedly when i was a flier
Who has sensitive skin?:	Me. I loathe it
Who gets a sun burn more offen?:	The sun and me don't get along well, but jess burns bad too
Who drinks more soda?:	Recently I'd say me, a couple a months ago, Id say jess
Who is optimistic?:	Her"always look on the bright side of life..dodododood"
Who dresses better?:	Me, easily
Who reads more?:	Me, although she does read a lot of online blogs, rpgs, and randomnesses
Who's more creative?:	Me in an artistic way, her in a weird "never woulda thought of that" way
Who hates school more?:	Her. She's not in it she hates it so bad! HEhe
Who is the "hopeless romantic"?:	Neither of us, but when youre comparing us, I am hopeless and romantic. She is romantic and sensible
Who is more of a daredevil?:	she is in some things i am in others
Who is more likely to watch a disney movie?:	Me, and i will recite them or sing the songs for you. "what do they got? a lot of sand? we got a hot crustacean band...."
Who is move evil?:	Define evil....evil: jessica. oh! so its jessica
Who is more offen late showing up to places?:	me, but thats cause i have to depend on her for a ride
Who is on the computer more?:	her
Who is more kind?:	Jessica. she's so kind its amazing
Who is more witty?:	me, although i can be mean witty
Who has more admierers?:	jessica. she had david jeffers before i even had a stalker
Who gets better grades?:	Me. she just gets lucky. Like in spanish, mrs. calcara not only passed her cause she felt bad for her but she gave her the grade right below mine!
Who sings better?:	Contrary to popular belief, it was not kelly clarkson who won american idol, it was me! Lalalallalalllallaaaaa
Who is better at sports?:	Ha, jessica do sports!heehe oh the memories of volleyball
Who is a better lier?:	Um
Who plays more video games?:	her
Who fightes more with their parents?:	me, alas it is sad
Who has a larger music collection?:	i think she beats me in both the legal and illegal music
Who is more likely to not dress for the weather?:	her, i always bring a sweatshirt with me, you can use those for anything
Who is more likely to lose things?:	her
Who complains more?:	me
Who uses happy faces in AIM more?:	not me
Take this survey \| Find more surveys You've been totally Bzoink*d

Best bud thing

2005-11-06T17:48:00.000-06:00

*You or your best friend*
first off, who is your best friend?:	Sarah
now, for each pick you or your best friend.
Who is smarter?:	Sarah, i mean look at our situation: she's in the honors dorm with a full-ride and i'm stuck with full tuition and live in the party hall
Who is more annoying?:	Define "annoying" if you mean who's more annoying to other people its prolly her hehe
Who has more friends?:	She does. i'm a bit of a recluse
Who has more ennemies?:	sarah likes everyone, i have um issues
Who talks more when it's just the two of you?:	Definitely her
Who is the wookie?-who's ugly-er?:	We both have our bad days, but i have more
Who cheats at board games?:	we never play board games, because i hate them
Who loves animals more?:	MEMEMEMEMEMEMEMMEMMEMEMEMEMe
Who can eat more?:	Me
Who can burp louder?:	her
Who is more likely to cry.:	ME
Who has more useless talents?:	I can run like mario so... ,me
Who's messy?:	i am but i clean everyday so it doesnt make sense
Who's more likely to get married young?:	her. Ill prolly never get married at my rate
Who's more likely to fall out of a tree?:	ME
Who has sensitive skin?:	ouch, me
Who gets a sun burn more offen?:	again me
Who drinks more soda?:	i think pop is nasty(yeah thats right its "pop") so sarah does
Who is optimistic?:	her, i am almost always pesimistic
Who dresses better?:	me
Who reads more?:	i dont read as much as i used to so Sarah and her text books wins this one
Who's more creative?:	I think i am, but she makes amazing cards!
Who hates school more?:	I do.
Who is the "hopeless romantic"?:	I am romantic but shes got the hopeless down
Who is more of a daredevil?:	Me, but that doesnt say anything since we're both chickens
Who is more likely to watch a disney movie?:	I love disney
Who is move evil?:	Sarah's an angel, so i must be the evil one
Who is more offen late showing up to places?:	me, usually not my fault
Who is on the computer more?:	her, although im getting there
Who is more kind?:	her, she is still hanging out with me after all
Who is more witty?:	me, but my wittiness is few and far between
Who has more admierers?:	her, she knows so many more people
Who gets better grades?:	her, but she makes it look so easy
Who sings better?:	me, i guess but she doesnt sing much
Who is better at sports?:	me, if we played
Who is a better lier?:	me
Who plays more vido games?:	me
Who fightes more with their parents?:	me
Who has a larger music collection?:	her
Who is more likely to not dress for the weather?:	her
Who is more likely to lose things?:	me
Who complains more?:	me
Who uses happy faces in AIM more?:	her
Take this survey \| Find more surveys You've been totally Bzoink*d

2005-11-04T14:56:00.000-06:00

All ya'll who remember going to KGBI to volunteer for their pledge drive might remember the freebies we got for our services. One of the times we went I got a CD by CeCe Winans. I've listened to it maybe two times in three or four years, but right now it's got a song that I love.

Come Fill My Heart
CeCe Winans
Fill this void, and emptiness
Shine Your light, on my darkness
Satisfy, and restore my hand
I long for You, make me whole
(Chorus)
Come quench thirsting
Lord I am ready
Here I am waiting, come fill my heart
You are the only, one who can fill me
Here I am waiting, come fill my heart
Come fill my life, I am incomplete
Let Your love rain down on me
I need You more, Lord I confess
More of You, and nothing less
(Repeat Chorus)
(Bridge)
Come and fill me...I am thirsting...
For You only...God so Holy...
Come and fill me...I am thirsting...
For You only...God so Holy...
(Repeat Chorus)

2005-11-04T10:40:00.000-06:00

I keep telling myself I did the right thing. I did what any girl should do in my posistion. Why, then, do I feel empty. There was already a huge, gaping hole where God should be, but now that Jay and I broke up, the hole is even bigger. I really want to believe I did the right thing. All my friends support me, but my heart tells me I quit when things got hard instead of attempting to work through them like I promised. I promised! I promised him that if I had a problem we'd talk. But I waited too long. I've said words that I can't take back.
I thought I was losing my identity to him, but now I feel like I've lost everything I stood for by wimping out. I wasn't miserable with him. As a matter of fact, I was happy. But things weren't right. It wasn't the life I'd always dreamed of, or even the relationship I'd been looking for. The problem is that I still love him. I prolly always will; you know what they say about first loves. Things have to change for both of us. I don't know what he's going to do. But I plan on making God number one. Then I'll about a boyfriend. Not just any guy, someone who will challenge me in my faith, grow with me, share my beliefs and values, and who will talk to me when there's a problem.

Cameras are fun!

2005-11-03T11:33:00.001-06:00

The rocks and the water.

Holmes Lake

2005-11-03T11:33:00.000-06:00

2005-11-02T10:28:00.000-06:00

It's a balmy 65 degree day. The sun is shiny brightly, and there's not a cloud in the sky. Wind is moderate; just enough to toss my hair around. This must be one of the most beautiful days of Fall. THEN WHY DID I JUST TAKE 10 FLIGHTS OF STAIRS TO THE BASEMENT FOR A SEVERE STORM WARNING? I don't understand. It wasn't a drill, but there is no way there is a storm. Well, this is Nebraska, so I guess a blizzard or tornado is possible at any moment.
On the calmer side of life...
If I hadn't taken the stairs, I never would have saw the adorable little kitten a guy had in the lobby. It looked like it was only a couple of weeks old. He said he kept it behind the speaker in his room. Just for the record he's gonna get fined big time if he gets caught! But now I too want a kitten in my room.

2005-10-31T10:58:00.000-06:00

So awesome...... http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/llama.php

2005-10-29T13:21:00.000-05:00

I met a guy in a bar last night. OMG, that sounds so weird coming from me! I was a little upset by something that happened last night, and he came over to see if I was okay. He was from Oklahoma here to see the football game! I told him that I didn't really care about the Huskers, and he laughed. Meh. We talked a little bit and he wanted to know what was cool to do in Lincoln. It was really nice to talk to someone outside of my friends. I felt like a normal college person for once. Too bad he doesn't live here.

2005-10-28T14:22:00.000-05:00

I did the stupidest thing last night. I could have caused serious damage to one of my relationships. I jumped to a conclusion. I suspected something about this person that was plausible, but hopefully not true. I had good cause for suspicion. Two reasons, more specifically. I was stressed out by my conclusion and the person picked up on it. We worked out the situation, and we both thought it was very funny. Just a word to the wise: be sure to do your laundry!

2005-10-27T12:33:00.000-05:00

How evil are you?

I took it again and got a different evil-ness. I am now angelic! bwahahahaha!

2005-10-27T12:25:00.000-05:00

Personality Type Report for Alyssa
Your Personality Preferences
INTROVERT
While you may not be anti-social, you do need (and deserve) your private time and space to retreat from the world. Unlike extroverts, you need to develop a concept of the world or some aspect of it before experiencing it. Too much socializing may sap your energies. Your energies are derived from exploring the inner world of ideas, impressions and pure thought.
SENSORY
You usually gather information with your senses: what you can see, hear, taste, touch and smell in the physical world. The facts gathered from the sensory data you process are the building blocks of your model of our world. You concentrate your energies on what actually exists and do not ponder what might exist too much. You are usually practical and rely on your common sense to guide you through the world. You see things as they are and have little or no need to search for underlying meanings.
JUDGING/ PERCEIVING
You appear to be an equal mix of both judging and perceiving types. This may cause you some conflict at times. On the other hand the balance of the two may work just fine for you. There is certainly nothing wrong with having a fair share of both types if you are happy. Below you will find descriptions of both types.

JUDGING
You like decisions to be made as soon as possible. You are not comfortable with loose ends and like to see conflicts resolved as soon as possible. You have a preference for a well-structured, orderly lifestyle with few surprises. It may not be all that important who makes the decisions that gets things done as long things do get done. You take commitments very seriously.

PERCEIVING
You like to have as much information as possible before making a decision. Putting off a final decision until the last moment does not make you uncomfortable. Indeed once a decision is made, a course plotted, you may feel a bit uneasy, because you feel bound to a certain course of action. You would much prefer to wait and see what happens. You enjoy the opportunity to improvise. Commitments are not etched in stone to you, and are changeable.
FEELING
You make decisions subjectively based upon your values and what is important to you. How people will be affected by your decisions is important to you. You are likely to make decisions based upon what you feel is acceptable and agreeable rather than what is logical. Your truths are founded in your values and those of the society you live in. It is important to remember that we are discussing how you evaluate data and make decisions, and that you rely on your feelings to do so in no way implies you are overly emotional.
Your Personality Type
Your personality preferences suggest you may be one of two personality types, so both these types are listed below.

Introvert/Sensing/Feeling/Perceiving

You like to do things for others in your own, quiet way. By nature you are gentle, loyal and compassionate. You accept others as they are and rarely pass judgment on anyone. You have little or no need to dominate others. Conflicts are very disturbing to you. You live in the here and now and find pleasure in life's simplest gifts.

In relationships you are kind, loyal, and nurturing. You make a good listener and are sympathetic to the needs of others. You are the one that can get your friends and loved ones through a difficult period, even if you yourself are suffering. You are very perceptive of others. You will avoid conflict whenever possible, and must be careful not to let more aggressive personality types overwhelm you.

Famous People of Your Type:

Marie Antoinette, Auguste Rodin, Ulysses S. Grant, Millard Fillmore, Warren G. Harding, Fred Astaire, Doris Day, Marilyn Monroe, Liberace, Elizabeth Taylor, Yogi Berra, Dan Rather, Ervin "Magic" Johnson, Patrick Duffey, Paul McCartney, Michael Jackson, Kevin Costner, Greg Louganis, Brooke Shields, John Travolta.

Occupations Suited to Your Type Include:

Artist, beautician, botanist, carpenter, clerical specialist, dancer, designer, forester, gardener, geologist, marine biologist, mechanic, nurse, recreational leader, and teacher.
http://www.damegames.com/quizzes/per/passess.htm

2005-10-26T11:46:00.000-05:00

You Are Bold Red Boots

You like to put your most outrageous foot forward!

What Kind of Boots Are You?

2005-10-26T11:34:00.000-05:00

Your Seduction Style: Au Natural

You rank up there with your seduction skills, though you might not know it.
That's because you're a natural at seduction. You don't realize your power!
The root of your natural seduction power: your innocence and optimism.

You're the type of person who happily plays around and creates a unique little world.
Little do you know that your personal paradise is so appealing that it sucks people in.
You find joy in everything - so is it any surprise that people find joy in you?

You bring back the inner child in everyone you meet with your sincere and spontaneous ways.
Your childlike (but not childish) behavior also inspires others to care for you.
As a result, those who you befriend and date tend to be incredibly loyal to you.

What Kind of Seducer Are You?

2005-10-25T23:06:00.001-05:00

I hate it when this happens...I was enjoying a perfectly good nap, dreaming of loverly things, and then I wake up. I wake up with a sudden urge to draw or write or be productive. It happens at the strangest times. Once it happened around two in the morning the night before a big test in school. I had a desire to work out, and I couldn't sleep until I did it. So tonight, even though it is only 11:00 I haven't sleep a full eight hours for a few weeks, I was sleeping, but now as you can see I am writing. I am also drawing and working on a Mythology paper. I wish my batteries were done charging so I could take a picture of my picture to post. Ah well, I shall put it up when it is finished.

2005-10-25T23:06:00.000-05:00

How evil are you?

2005-10-25T15:09:00.000-05:00

Today has been one of those days. From yesterday it appeared to be a normal but dreadfully boring type of Tuesday. I was excited to get to "sleep in" til 10:30, after my escapade down to Marysville, Kansas and back last night. BUT, lo and behold, God had other plans for me this morning. Around 9:45 or 10 my cell starts ringing. It was buried deep in the pocket of my coat and I couldn't get to it before the machine got it. So anyways... Jessica called to tell me that Josh had collapsed at work and asked me to pray for him. Josh means a lot to me. I used to work for him at Val's and he was great to me. He's done so much for me. So this morning sleep fled from me while I prayed for him. I hope he gets better.

Lab was sooooo long today. Instead of quirky experiments we did genetic problems. Really long Punnent Squares for 2 hour! Gag me. I'm still not done, and I should be working on them instead of blogging, but we all know how that goes! So last night around seven, I went to see Jay and Nic's new apartment. It's pretty cool, and Nic has this spiffy blue whale mat for the kitchen. Somehow or another I ended up in Nic's car on the way to Marysville. He wanted to get some stuff from there for the apartment. We packed a ton of crap into his dad's truck and then Nic, Jay, and I crammed into the tiny cab of the truck. This truck had two seats, so I sat in the six inch space between the two seats. I had to straddle the shifter thingy of course. That was, um, awkward....I didn't get to bed until 2:30ish. Le sigh....so tired.

2005-10-24T16:34:00.000-05:00

"I follow the night
Can't stand the light
When will I begin to live again

One day I'll fly away
Leave all this to yesterday
What more could your love do for me
When will love be through with me
Why live life from dream to dream
And dread the day when dreaming ends

One day I'll fly away
Leave all this to yesterday
Why live life from dream to dream
And dread the day when dreaming ends

One day I'll fly away
Fly fly away..."

2005-10-24T14:34:00.000-05:00

"What more could your love do for me? When will love be through me?"
Why did happen again? I must be the biggest ass in history. Apparently, I don't learn from my mistakes. Twice now I have been deceived by the same person about the same thing. Either I am too nice and forgiving, or I'm just desparate. I hate myself right now. In the last thirty days, I've had two bad relationships, both lasting about two to three weeks. Right now, I'm asking God to help me find the guy who's right for me. I thought I had done that with Jay, but now it just seems like a big mistake. I really don't even know him. He seems to have this secret life, well, secret from me anyways, that I know nothing about. I don't know why I thought he changed. I give people way too much credit. This is why I can't trust people like I used to. And now it will be even harder to trust a guy.

2005-10-21T11:20:00.000-05:00

10 Years Ago: 8/third grade
1. I took spelling tests in shaving cream on my desk.
2. I read books in a claw-foot tub with a poufy pillow.
3. I went to Trinity Lutheran.
4. My eyes were good.
5. I wore leggings and giant t-shirts.

5 Years Ago: 13/ eigth grade
1. I met Jessica.
2.
3.
4.
5.

1 Year Ago:
1. I bought the love of my life, my canon powershot A65!
2. I filled out a billion scholarship forms.
3. I ate a lot of ramen noodles.
4. I started stunting as a flyer!
5. My mom made lunch at school.

Yesterday:
1. I went to bed at 12:30 instead of three.
2. I didn't have class!
3. I bought 43 dollars worth of clothes on sale at Kohl's!
4. I made Jessica throw away a ton of crap.
5. I watched Woman Thou Are Loosed.

5 Snacks I Like:
1. Chocolate
2. Cookies
3. Ice Cream
4. Fruit
5. Crackers and PB

5 Songs I Know All The Words To:
1. Come What May by Ewan Mcgreggor and the other person who sings it from Moulin Rouge...drawing a blank....
2. Skin by Rascal Flatts
3. Gotta Get Thru This by Daniel Beddingfield
4. She Will Be Loved by Maroon 5
5. So This Is Love by Cinderella, hehe

If I Had A Million Dollars:
1. Pay for college
2. Pay off my parents bills
3. Buy a car
4. Buy a new laptop
5. Buy a house for me!

5 Things I Would Never Wear:
1. A strapless shirt
2. a low-cut orange sequiny dress
3. pants with chains on them
4. black makeup
5. a shower curtain

Favorite TV Shows:
1. Stargate SG-1
2. I liked the old Blue's Clues
3. Sailor Moon
4. CSI
5. What Not to Wear

5 Bad Habits:
1. Staying out late the night before a test
2. eating chocolate
3. procrastinating
4. bleaching my laundry
5. tripping over random objects

5 Biggest Joys:
1. vacation with friends or family
2. singing really loud to a song I love
3. petting my Smudge
4. not bleaching my laundry
5. shopping

5 Fictional People I Want To Date:
1. Orlando Bloom in any movie
2. Legolas
3. this is a weird question
4. i don't like this question
5. fictional people aren't real

2005-10-19T16:00:00.000-05:00

The Dante's Inferno Test has sent you to Purgatory!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Extreme
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Moderate
Level 2 (Lustful)	Very Low
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Moderate
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Moderate
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)	Low
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Low
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Low

Take the Dante's Divine Comedy Inferno Test

2005-10-19T11:55:00.000-05:00

*The Favorites, Have-You-Evers.. and Last Times! Oh, the variety!*
What is your favorite..
gum:	Trident Orange, melon stuff
restaurant:	Valentinos
drink:	Orange Juice
season:	early Fall
type of weather:	cool, but still warm enough to wear t-shirts
emotion:	happiness
thing to do on a half day:	sleep, hang out with people
late-night activity:	sleep, watch movies, talk to friends
sport:	cheerleading rocks!
city:	Lincoln
store:	Walmart
When was the last time you..
cried:	last week
played a sport:	last year...basketball
laughed:	this morning at something my roomie said
hugged someone:	last night
kissed someone:	um....
felt depressed:	last week when it was raining
felt elated:	when i was daydreaming in history instead of taking notes
felt overworked:	all the time
faked sick:	when i was in high school
lied:	last night
What was the last..
word you said:	phenotypic
thing you ate:	cereal and milk
song you listened to:	kiss me by sixpence non the richer
thing you drank:	milk
place you went to:	history
movie you saw:	undead
movie you rented:	me? i never rent anything, i just watch movies that other people rent
concert you attended:	hoobastank
Who was the last person you..
hugged:	jessica
cried over:	jay
kissed:	nobody
danced with:	jay
shared a secret with:	jessica
had a sleepover with:	jessica
called:	my mom
went to a movie with:	jay and jessica
saw:	my roomate
were angry with:	the washing machine
couldn't take your eyes off of:	this person at breakfast who wouldn't stop staring at me
obsessed over:	umm........Orlando Bloom to hear some people say it
Have you ever..
danced in the rain:	no
kissed someone:	no
done drugs:	if you count midol, tylenol, or advil
drank alcohol:	on a cruise
slept around:	i slept this morning... hehe, never
partied 'til the sun came up:	prolly never
had a movie marathon:	last friday
gone too far on a dare:	never, i hate dares
spun until you were immensely dizzy:	last week
taken a survey quite like this before:	last night
Take this survey \| Find more surveys You've been totally Bzoink*d

2005-10-19T11:50:00.000-05:00

*The Favorites, Have-You-Evers.. and Last Times! Oh, the variety!*
What is your favorite..
gum:	Trident Orange, melon stuff
restaurant:	Valentinos
drink:	Orange Juice
season:	early Fall
type of weather:	cool, but still warm enough to wear t-shirts
emotion:	happiness
thing to do on a half day:	sleep, hang out with people
late-night activity:	sleep, watch movies, talk to friends
sport:	cheerleading rocks!
city:	Lincoln
store:	Walmart
When was the last time you..
cried:	last week
played a sport:	last year...basketball
laughed:	this morning at something my roomie said
hugged someone:	last night
kissed someone:	um....
felt depressed:	last week when it was raining
felt elated:	when i was daydreaming in history instead of taking notes
felt overworked:	all the time
faked sick:	when i was in high school
lied:	last night
What was the last..
word you said:	phenotypic
thing you ate:	cereal and milk
song you listened to:	kiss me by sixpence non the richer
thing you drank:	milk
place you went to:	history
movie you saw:	undead
movie you rented:	me? i never rent anything, i just watch movies that other people rent
concert you attended:	hoobastank
Who was the last person you..
hugged:	jessica
cried over:	jay
kissed:	nobody
danced with:	jay
shared a secret with:	jessica
had a sleepover with:	jessica
called:	my mom
went to a movie with:	jay and jessica
saw:	my roomate
were angry with:	the washing machine
couldn't take your eyes off of:	this person at breakfast who wouldn't stop staring at me
obsessed over:	umm........Orlando Bloom to hear some people say it
Have you ever..
danced in the rain:	no
kissed someone:	no
done drugs:	if you count midol, tylenol, or advil
drank alcohol:	on a cruise
slept around:	i slept this morning... hehe, never
partied 'til the sun came up:	prolly never
had a movie marathon:	last friday
gone too far on a dare:	never, i hate dares
spun until you were immensely dizzy:	last week
taken a survey quite like this before:	last night
Take this survey \| Find more surveys You've been totally Bzoink*d

AGAIN!

2005-10-19T00:19:00.000-05:00

*130 Random Questions*
When was the last time you cried?:	A- less than a month ago
Have you ever faked sick?:	J- no
What was the last lie you said?:	A- tonight
Have you ever cried during a movie?:	J- yes passion, star wars 3, phantom of the opera, and moulin rouge
Who was the last person you couldn't take your eyes off of?:	A- Jessica
Have you ever danced in the rain?:	J- heck yeah
Have you ever been drunk?:	A- no..
Have you ever tried tried drugs?:	J- tried tried? what? no...
Do you smoke?:	A- no
What's the farthest you've ever gone on a dare?:	J- no one has dared me to do anything bad. Well, when I was 9 I flashed an open window from inside a house in the dark
What is your full name?:	A- Alyssa Renee Elwood J- Jessica Jean Erickson
What is your blood-type?:	J- I dont know. Alyssa's is O+
Have you ever been in a car accident?:	A- yes
How old were you when you recieved your first kiss?:	J- I haven't yet, that I remember
Who was your first kiss?:	A- Hasn't happened yet
Have you ever had an online relationship?:	J- um..... I have lots of friends online that I know offline. And close offline friends that I talk to online. So... what?
Have you ever had phone-sex?:	A- Um, lemme think.... NO!
Have you ever been rejected by a crush?:	J- yeah, happens to everyone
What is your favourite sport to play?:	A- Cheerleading J- rolls eyes
Have you ever made a prank phone call?:	J- Yes
Have you ever said "I Love you" and not meant it?:	A- yes
What's your favourite childhood memory?:	J- I dont have one A- yes you do, you just cant think of one
Is there anything that you have done that you regret?:	A- yes
What do you want to be when you grow up?:	J- a jelly bean A- happy J- fine then, old
What is your political persuassion?:	A- party? Conservative rep.
Have you ever had cybersex?:	J- no
Do you believe in g-d?:	A- J- God? yeah A- yes, but thats not how you spell it
Do you believe in love at first sight?:	J- no A- thats sad, you're not romantic
Do you believe in karma?:	A- no
Who was your first crush?:	J- Rick Post. daydreamy A- you are such a goober
Who do yo uhave a crush on?:	A- silent...... Jay- FINE! J- um... it's Jay for her
How would you describe yourself?:	J- dang. um, me. I am unique A- no, i dont want to talk about myself
What are you afraid of?:	A- dying on a planet by myself by radiation. zombies. friends leaving me J- not much but no comment
Are you religious?:	J- to a certain extent, but I'm more relational
What does your screen name mean?:	A- Alwaysinthedark7, it means that I am quite often confused about what other people are talking about. J- A friend, Midnit3cloud, gave it to me, had it forever. Midnit3rabbit
What person do you trust the most?:	J- God. then Alyssa or my mom. A- my roomie
Who was your first boyfriend/girlfriend?:	A- Good question. One week= Steve. Longer= Jay. J- serious emotional attatchment= Jeff
What is the best compliment you have ever recieved?:	J- I am not good at receiving or remembering compliments A- I dont either
What is the meanest thing anyone has said about you?:	A- IDK J- me either
What is the longest crush/relationship you have had?:	J- um, no comment A- 6-7 mos
What is your greatest strength?:	J- I hate these A-ditto
What is your greatest weakness?:	J- I hate this one more. A- Chocolate
What is your perfect pizza?:	A- cheese and tomato slices J- 4cheese, or canadian bacon, or taco
What is your first thought when waking up in the morning?:	J- SHUT UP YOU STUPID ALARM CLOCK A- i wanna skip class
What is your first thought before you go to bed?:	A- you mean the last thought? this means tha q above! idk. J- my mind goes allover and I don't keep track of it all
What college do you want to go to?:	J- idk A- im at UNL
Do you get along with your family?:	A- all but the demon cat and demon child J- yes
Do you play any instruments?:	J- my vocal chords A- flute, tried guitar, can sing, used to play piano
What kind of music do you like?:	A- country, disney songs, all but rap J- bah. rap sucks
Do you think you're attractive?:	J- I try not to be overly. I don't want that attention A-not when i wake up
Would you ever get a tattoo?:	A- no J- nope
How many piercings do you have?:	J- none A-2
Who makes you laugh?:	A- me, roomie, everyone. J- yup
Who would you want to be tied to for 24hours?:	J- A- nobody. J- hey, im thinking! alyssa, out of everyone.
Have you ever seen a dead body?:	A- not in person. I try not to J- yes
Do you have a celebrity crush?:	J- yes. Johnny Depp. And i can answer for alyssa. its ORLANDO BLOOM A-YES!
What is one thing scientists should invent?:	A- something that makes you smarter w/o effort J- um..... whatever
Have you ever broken a bone?:	J- yes A-no
What happens after you die?:	A- going to heaven J- me too. And people are sad.
Do you watch or read the news?:	J- no A- I read comics....
What stereotype would you label yourself as being?:	A- i'm not preppy.... quiet wallflower Jay- yes you are J- i am none of them. because I am them all. i am me
Would your friends agree with that stereotypic label?:	J- do you? A- um, sure. But not preppy. J- i would agree with yours to an extent
If yo ucould change your name, what would you change it to?:	J- I will only change my last name A- Change my middle name
If you could go back in time to one point in your life, where would you go:	A- go back to junior year J- that was a good year. But i would like to know all that I do now`
If you could change anything about yourself, what would you change?:	A- how outgoing and stuff I am J- my fears
Have you ever gone skinny dipping?:	J- no A- no
Have you ever played strip poker?:	A- no I dont even know what that is J- nope
Would you ever lie to someone to make them feel good about themselves?:	J- no A-no
What do you want your friends to think about you?:	A- I'm a good person
Whats the biggest argument you've ever gotten into?:	J- prolly with Alyssa, or JEff
HAve you ever bitten someone?:	A- i suppose J- prolly me
When's your birthday?:	J- May
Have you ever stolen anything?:	A- chicklets
Do you make wishes on shooting stars?:	J- no
Whats the most you've ever eaten in one sitting?:	A- oh my gosh you dont want to know i almost died
If you could go back and change one day, what would it be?:	J- um, didnt I kinda say this already? oh wait, no. Um.....the day that I died
Do you remember your dreams?:	A- I do
Have you ever been in love?:	J- I dont know A- I really dont know
Are you a morning person or a night person?:	A- depends on the stage of my life J- ditto
Do you have any phobias?:	J- no but alyssa is porkaphobic A- Am not
What's the meanest thing you've ever done to someone?:	A- I dont want to tell
Have you ever been to the hospital (other then birth?:	J- um yeah
How many screen names do you have?:	A- one J- yup
Do any medical problems run in your family?:	J- idk A- kidney stones
Have anyone ever been disowned from your family?:	A- no
Have you ever had a nightmare?:	J- um who hasnt
Do you say meaner things to your friends or your enemies?:	A- friends J- yeah, nice to enemies faces
Would you ever participate in a threesome?:	J- ew! that is SO UNBIBLICAL and a sin
Would you ever pay for a prostititue?:	A- WHOA!@ NO!!!
Have you ever mooned or flashed someone?:	J- yes, but i was little and it was dark, so i dont know if anyone saw
Have you ever cheated on your bf/gf?:	A- maybe?
Have you ever laughed so hard you peed in your pants?:	J-yes
Have you ever written a love letter?:	A- yes but never sent it
Have you ever attempted suicide?:	J- no, but thought about it breifly
Do you prefer boxers or briefs?:	A- on me?
Have you ever been in a fistfight?:	J- only to break it up, but it was a playful one
Do you have any hidden talents?:	A- if they're hidden then how would i know?
What is one thing you want me to know about you?:	J- O.o
What is one question you wouldn't want me to ask?:	A- Um, If i told you know, that would defeat the purpose
Do you usually prefer books or movies?:	J- eh
Who is your favourite person to talk to?:	A- my kitty, doesnt talk back or tell secrets
Who is always able to cheer you up when you're sad?:	J- A- when i am sad, no one can, because i am determined J- stubborn A- and no one can get me out of it J- depends for me
Would you ever have sex before marriage?:	A- no J- no
Who do you talk to most on the phone?:	J- um, alyssa .. yeah
Do you have a secret that yo'ure ashamed of?:	A- mm hm
Do you prefer british or american spelling of words?:	J- British A- american
Have you ever gotten detention?:	A- no J-yes, quite a few times
How do you vent your anger?:	J- pray, write
Have you ever been on a diet?:	A- yes
Would you ever date someone younger than you? Older than you?:	J- um yes and yes
Is your best friend a virgin?:	A- yes J- yes
What's a rumor someone has spread about you?:	J- i dont care!
What's the kinkiest thing you could ever actually see yourself as doing?:	A- interesting...... no comment J- not rated g, or even pg, or even pg-13, or even R, so no comment
What's the meanest thing anyone has ever done to you?:	J- idk not let me go to bed?
What's the nicest thing anyone has ever done for you?:	A- idk
Have you ever been diagnosed with a mental illness?:	J- no
Have you ever cut yourself on purpose?:	A- no J- yes
Have you ever wanted to murder someone?:	J- yes, sadly
Have you ever hated someone?:	A- yes J- no
Do you prefer talking on the phone or online?:	J- depends on what it is A- phone
Do you consider yourself popular?:	A- not anymore, yes in Highschool. J- popularity is relative
Would you ever tell the person you have a crush on that you like them?:	J- NO A- also no
Have you ever had a crush on an enemy?:	A- what kind of crazy idea is that? J- they do it on HPRPG
Have you ever had a crush on a best friend?:	J- yes A- no
What is your favourite book?:	A- series of books by david eddings
Do you have a collection of anything?:	J- pictures, stuff
Are you happy with the person you are becoming?:	A- i dont know
Are you a different person now then you were 5 years ago?:	J- um yeah
What do you see yourself as being in 5 years from now?:	A- J- i can see you married, HA! A- hopefully college graduated. and a job J- what about me? A- married and a kid
Are you happy with the life you have?:	J- once this quiz is over yes A- yeah, um, ok
Take this survey Find more surveys You've been totally Bzoink*d

Survey quiz thing

2005-10-18T21:59:00.000-05:00

*Long Survey About Yourself*
What time are you starting this?:	9:08 pm
Name?:	Alyssa Elwood
Nicknames?:	Gorgeous, Lyssa, Lyss, Mom
Date of birth?:	9/28/87
Sex?:	female
Height?:	5'5''
Eye color?:	dark brown
Where were you born?:	Lincoln
Number of candles on your last birthday cake?:	18
Pets?:	Three cats, a dog, several hundred koi, a frog named Rupert, racoons,
Hair color?:	red
Piercings?:	ears
Town you live in?:	Lincoln
Favorite foods?:	ramen noodles, cake, chocolate, peanut butter
Ever been to Africa?:	nope
Been toilet papering?:	yes
Love someone so much it made you cry?:	Several times
Been in a car accident?:	yes
Croutons or bacon bits?:	yuck, neither
Favorite day of the week?:	Sunday
Favorite resturant?:	Ticos
Favorite flower?:	red roses
Favorite sport to watch?:	cheerleading
Favorite drink?:	water, or orange juice
Favorite ice cream flavor?:	chocolate
Warner Bros. or Disney?:	Disney
Favorite fast food restuarant?:	Taco Bell
Carpet color in your bedroom?:	grey, blue, brown, yellow, white, green, flowers
How many times did you fail your driver's test?:	never
Whom did you get your last email from?:	ebay
Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?:	dillards
What do you do most often when you are bored?:	sing, steal music, sing to the stolen music
Most annoying thing to say to me?:	"I don't know."
Bedtime?:	ha
Favorite TV show?:	stargate sg-1
Last person you went out to dinner with?::	Jesse, Jessica, Jay, Jeff, Ben
Been out of country?:	yes, Bahama mamma
Believe in magick?:	no
Ford or Chevy?:	Ford
What are you listening to right now?:	Jessica say "Chevy" like "Chiby"
Have you ever failed a grade?:	no
If you have, what grade did you fail?:	if i had it would've been sixth
Do you have a crush on someone?:	yes, hmmm, not for you to know though
Do you have a bf/gf?:	I do
If so, what is their name?:	Jay Morgan
How long have you been together?:	Um. Seven months, year haitus, now five days
What are you wearing right now?:	black long-sleeved shirt, light washed jeans, nike walking shoes
Would you have sex before marriage?:	no
Have you ever had a crush on any of your teachers?:	ewww, no
Are you a virgin?:	yes
Do you smoke?:	only the candy cigarrettes
Do you drink?:	I drink water, and orange juice, and milk
Are you ghetto?:	no
Are you a player?:	i guess
What are your favorite colors?:	blue, black, silver
What is your favorite animal?:	cats
Do you have any birthmarks?:	yes, a little one on the back of my left leg
Have you ever gotten your ass kicked?:	jessica kicks it all the time
Who do you talk to most on the phone?:	Jay
Have you ever been slapped?:	yes, by my mother
Do you get online a lot?:	yes, way too often
Are you shy or outgoing?:	depends on who I'm with, but usually shy
Do you shower?:	heck yeah
Do you hate school?:	only when I have homework
Do you have a social life?:	I believe so
How easily do you trust people?:	not so easily as i'd like
Do you have a secret people would be surprised knowing?:	yes
Would you ever sky dive?:	yes, but i'd have to be thrown out of the plane
Do you like to dance?:	I am a dancing queen
Have you ever been out of state?:	yes, but i won't list all the places ive been
Do you like to travel?:	i do
Have you ever been expelled from school?:	no
Have you ever been suspended from school?:	no
Do you want to get out of your hometown?:	sometimes, but I'm pretty happy here
Are you spoiled?:	i don't think so, but others might disagree
Are you a brat?:	most definitely
Have you ever been dumped?:	yes, and it sucks, so I don't like doing it to other people
Have you ever gotten high?:	high on jesus
Do you like snapple?:	never had any
Do you drink a lot of water?:	yes
What toothpaste do you use?:	colgate or crest i think
Do you have a cell phone?:	yes, it is my baby and life support
Do you have a curfew?:	not anymore
Who do you look up to?:	eveyone cause they are taller than me, but seriously, I look up to my parents, friends
Are you a role model?:	i used to be at my high school, but now i might not be
Have you ever been to Six Flags or Cedar Point?:	no
What name brand do you wear the most?:	nike
What kind of jewelry do you wear?:	rings, earrings
What do you want pierced?:	belly-button and my ears again
Do you like takin pictures?:	most of my computer is full of digital pics, so ..... yes
Do you like gettin your picture taken?:	only if i look good
Do you have a tan?:	psh no, i am so pasty
Do you get annoyed easily?:	yes
Have you ever started a rumor?:	only true ones
Do you have your own phone or phone line?:	i have a cell phone
Do you have your own pool?:	no
Do you prefer boxers or briefs?:	on me or on others?
Do you have any siblings?:	yes, two sisters, both younger
Have you ever been played?:	not that i'm aware of
Have you ever played anyone?:	yes
Do you get along with your parents?:	sometimes
How do you vent your anger?:	cry, listen to sad or angry music, walk it off
Have you ever ran away?:	yes
Have you ever been fired from a job?:	no
Do you even have a job?:	i clean my mothers bathroom for five bucks a week, which is enough to get me into the Plamor once a week!
Do you daydream a lot?:	yes, i am frequently somewhere else
Do you have a lot of ex's?:	only four
Do you run your mouth?:	um, my mouth doesn't like to run, it talks or laughs
What do you want a tattoo of?:	nothing, but if i did get one it would be either my name in elvish, or a blue butterfly
What do you have a tattoo of?:	nothing
What does your ex bf/gf look like?:	which one? tall, dark hair and eyes
What does your most recent crush look like?:	tall, brown hair and eyes, cute,
Whats her/his name?:	I already answered this question!
Have you ever been bitched out?:	nah
Are you rude?:	only to annoying people
What was the last compliment you recieved?:	Jesse said "you're so pretty!"
Do you like getting dirty?:	no, i am almost obsessively clean
Are you flexiable?:	yes, i can do splits and back bends and stuff
What is your heritage?:	I am swedish, german, irish, pensylvania dutch, and other stuff
What is your lucky number?:	3
What does your hair look like right now?:	half up, half down, top is wavy, bottom is straight
Could you ever be a vegetarian?:	i was and sorta am now
Describe your looks?:	you dont want me to
If you had to completely dye your hair it'd be what color?:	black
Would you ever date someone younger than you?:	i have
Would you ever date someone older than you?:	yes
When was the last time you were drunk?:	ha never
How many rings until you answer the phone?:	i let the answering machine get it
Have you ever been skinny dipping?:	no
If yes, when was the last time?:	n/a
When was the last time you went on a date?:	define "date"
Do you look more like your mother or father?:	father
Do you cry a lot?:	yes
Do you ever cry to get your way?:	no
What phrase do you use most when on the phone?:	"i don't know"
Are you the romantic type?:	i s'pose
Have you ever been chased by cops?:	only in my dreams
What do you like most about your body?:	eyes
What do you like least about your body?:	idk
When did you have your first crush?:	second grade
When was the last time you threw up?:	middle school
In the opposite sex, do you prefer blondes or brunettes?:	brunettes
Do you ever wear shirts do show your belly?:	not on purpose
What about cleavage?:	no
Is your best friend a virgin?:	yes
Have you ever fucked someone up?:	no
Have you ever been fucked up?:	no
What theme does your room have?:	messy, randomness
What size show do you wear?:	shoe? eight
What is your screen name on AIM?:	alwaysinthedark7
How are you feeling right now?:	bored
When was the last time you were at a party?:	last Friday
Have you ever given a lapdance?:	no
Have you ever recieved one?:	received? no
Has there ever been a rumor spread about you?:	yes
What is one of your bad qualilties?:	i don't like to do things i have to do that i dont want to do, and i'm indecisive
What is one of your good qualilties?:	loyal and willing work things out
Would you marry for money?:	no
What do you drive?:	station wagon or a dodge shadow
Are you more of a mommys or daddys child?:	mommy's
So?:	so what?
Well?:	yes, well?
When was the last time you cried in school?:	when my bunny died
Would you ever hook up with the same sex?:	no
What kind of music do you like?:	happy, sad, fun, weird, any kind except rap and i especially like country
Would you ever bungee jump?:	prolly not
What is your worst fear?:	being eaten alive or stabbed with a knife
Would you ever join the army?:	no
Do you like cows?:	i s'pose
If you were to die today, what would you do?:	I would tell my mom and dad that I love them, kiss my boyfriend, hang out with my friends, talk to God for a long time, and cuddle with my kitty Smudge
If you had one last word to say to someone before you die, what would it b?:	I love you or I hate you depending on the person "The greatest lesson you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return."
Do you like to party?:	i like to dance
Hearts or broken hearts?:	hearts
Moons or stars?:	stars
Coke or pepsi?:	pepsi
Favorite scent?:	honeydew melon, kilo
Favorite band?:	evanescence
Would you ever dye your hair red?:	you mean redder?
How many languages can you speak?:	one and a half
What time are you finishing this?:	9:56
Take this survey \| Find more surveys You've been totally Bzoink*d

2005-10-12T16:59:00.000-05:00

Picture Time!!!!!!

2005-10-12T16:45:00.000-05:00

A List of My Favorite Songs......

"It's Your Love" -Tim McGraw and Faith Hill
"What I Love About Sundays" -Craig Morgan
"Gotta Get Through This" -Daniel Beddingfield
"You'll Be In My Heart" -Usher
"You'll Be In My Heart" -Phil Collins
"Must Get Out" -Maroon 5
"Please Remember Me" -Tim McGraw
"You'll Think Of Me." -Keith Urban
"I'll Be" -Edwin McCain
"Come What May" -Moulin Rouge Soundtrack
"Pina Coladas" -Garth Brooks
"Buy Me A Rose" -Luther Vandross
"Can't Stop Loving You" -Phil Collins
"I'll Be Missing You" -Puff Daddy
"Truly Madly Deeply" -Savage Garden
"Always Be My Baby" -Mariah Carey
"Days Go By" -Dirty Vegas
"A Place For My Head" -Linkin Park
"He Ought To Know That By Now" -Lee Ann Rimes
"All You Need Is Love" -Moulin Rouge Soundtrack
"All I Ask Of You" -Phantom Of The Opera
"You Got It Bad" -Usher

2005-09-28T10:31:00.000-05:00

Hurray! I am now another year older. Techinally, at 11:59 tonight I will turn 18, but it is my birthday. It's dreary outside today and thats depressing. I came back from class to a little surprise. Sarah, I love you! She put up a little sign and decorations on my door. Back in middle school we use to decorate the fronts of each others lockers for birthdays. Thank you so much!

2005-09-26T00:48:00.000-05:00

Blogging is restricting for me. In my paper/pen journal I can be relatively sure that no one will read it. But also no one can be affected by what I write. Whereas with a blog, anyone can read what I put down. Therefore, I am selective about what I write and whom I write about. But for once, I don't care who reads this and I don't care what they say or how they feel about it, I am going to write what I think and need to record before I explode. Those affected can hate me or rage at me, but I can take it if any relief comes. (omg. I sound like a drama queen)

There comes a point in every life that one looks at one's accomplishments and losses. I tend to review my life about once a week, if not more often. For this week, I've been a complete failure (yes, Nathaniel, this is going to be one of my depressing posts). I feel that the ground I once thought was so firm is now shifting. For starters, a lot of new things happened this week. I'll spare the reader the details. Things have taken unexpected turns and people have done unexpected things. I feel myself rapidly losing the people who are close to me and I can't keep them from changing. "Days keep coming without fail.." as my new favorite song goes. And with them comes change. I don't like change. I like being safe and secure in the things I know. I try new things once in a while but I prefer my old habits. For example, I have the same cereal every morning without fail. There are about fifteen other choices, some of them are old favorites, but I like routine and stick to my cereal.

That was a tangent....

But it's dawning on me that I can't keep people the way I like them. I am not a puppetteer. Pretty soon Jessica will leave me, and though she assures me she won't lose touch, I know from experience that people drift away. She'll get caught up in a new country, language, and people and eventually her old life and her old friends will fade. It's happened to me so many times. First with Kendra, then Molly, then Sarah, then Ben.

I don't know what caused this, I think it might be my fault, but my closest friend has found another group of friends to hang out with. This wouldn't bother me so much because I have another circle that I occassionally move in too. The problem is that they are all she talks about anymore. If I start a conversation she'll somehow turn it into a comparison or a story about the Whitier Clan. I don't even know what this WC thing is. It scares me a lot though. She tells me that they drink and watch bad movies and they are way too comfortable around or on her person. I guess I feel like I'm not good enough for her anymore and that she is looking elsewhere for friendship.
This is taking a lot of courage because I know who reads this and I don't want to hurt anyone. But Truth begs me to tell. Like in the "Telltale Heart" by Edgar Allan Poe, the Truth will drive me mad if I don't do something. Therefore, in writing I find my solace....
There is a certain person that did a certain unexpected thing at an unexpected time. Because of the unexpectedness I was caught off guard and put under a lot of pressure in a short amount of time. I responded in a way that I now regret. For my part, things have become uncomfortable around this person. Where things once were fun and enjoyable, things are now stiff and, well, uncomfortable. To make a long story short, I don't know what to do. This isn't going to work and I feel terrible cause I can't make things better. To tell the absolute truth, I am now frightened by this person and how they will react if they ever read this. Suddenly, everything I knew about this person changed and now my perspective is skewed.
For a while now I've felt like crying, and right about now I can feel the tears coming on. So if you made it this far through my ravings, you'll have to excuse me. I have a long night before me. Good night.

2005-09-24T23:35:00.000-05:00

2005-09-24T21:37:00.000-05:00

2005-09-24T20:49:00.000-05:00

I have a new love....Country music!!!! I've actually been listening to it for quite a while now, but it just keeps getting better. As of this moment, I am listening to "Please Remember Me," a song by Tim McGraw. I believe he dedicated it to the Trade towers. It's a good song.

You'll find better love
Strong as it ever was
Deep as the river runs
Warm as the morning sun
Please remember me.

Thats the chorus. It isn't the best part of the song, but its the part that always catches itself in my mind.

When all our tears have reached the sea
Part of you will live in me
Way down deep inside my heart
The days keep coming without fail
A new wind is gonna find your sail
That's where your journey starts

That's the first verse. And now I swing from a sentimental mood to a wild dancy mood with Aerosmith's "Dude Looks Like A Lady." Haha! Now here is a toe-tapper. Dooddooddoododoododoooooo.........(can you see me dancing?)

2005-09-23T22:02:00.000-05:00

"In this moment, you think of love as a commitment. Love only works when both people are totally committed."

I found this quote on a blog thing that told me the keys to my heart. Some of the most romantic fairy tales are about unrequited love. But in reality, that is a most uncomfortable place for both people to be in. On the one hand, one person is pouring everything they have into a relationship that does not and probably will not work. Until that person comes to terms with how things really stand between them they are making life hard for both parties.
On the other hand, the party on the receiving end is made uncomfortable by the unwanted attention. Depending on this person's personality, several things could happen. For one, this person could state their desire to be left alone in a polite way. Or they could simply ignore the other party. There is possibility that a cruel person would just feed off of the attention without any intention of return.
For any relationship to work there has to be a committment. Even in a hate/hate relationship the parties must be devoted to hating the other. In love, there has to be something to solidify the relationship. Usually, it's devotion or a bond. Without said things, the partnership would deteriorate. People would get hurt.

I was just feeling a bit reflective.
It happens when I spend a whole afternoon and much of the night watching movies. Today's list consisted of Moulin Rouge, Some Like it Hot, and a couple of dramatic tv shows.

2005-09-21T15:46:00.000-05:00

I have had a request from a friend for more pictures. This same friend also told me that my blogs were depressing. So here are some non-depressing pictures:
So we have some funny junior highers, jessica at the sunken gardens looking, um, sexy, a stack of boys, me on a step team (im the one with the kings sweatshirt), and roses from my coach cause he loves me and appreciated me playing on his team. So enjoy my happy times!

2005-09-21T14:44:00.000-05:00

I've been analyzing characters in my stories/papers for English. I have to do myself cause its a first person story. I know what I look like and all the facts of course, but I need a striking characteristic. Something about me that I do often or strangely. I can't think of anything that makes me particularily different from my sister or cousin. Plus to make this all harder, it has to be something I did when I was five. LIKE I REMEMBER THAT FAR BACK! Why do I make things so hard for myself?

2005-09-19T21:36:00.000-05:00

Yay! I quit my job the other day. In less than two weeks I will be a free woman! I will no longer be a slave to the dishes! When this actually happens, I will have time to do so much more! I can go to the Rec Center with Sarah, or join an intramural sport, maybe even find a youth group. I will have so much freedom, I won't know what to do with myself!
On the one hand I do feel a little bad about all this. I was hired in late June and I've only been there for about three months. Originally, this was just supposed to be a summer job. I planned to work a lot and build up some cash for the rest of the year. However, my manager took his sweet time about hiring me so I decided to hang on a little longer. I found out, the hard way of course, that college and work don't mix well. When I got to the point that I was scheduling study time around work and not leaving enough time to eat or sleep, I realized something had to go. Work had never been (nor ever will be) my greatest priority. I hate working. It's a fact that I've gotten used to.
I don't know what I'm going to do for a career. I've always dreamed about being a stay at home mom. That would be great! I love to write, so maybe I could write something on the side. However, until then I have to get a job to pay for college and life....
Oh, and here's a picture of one of my kitties!

2005-09-19T11:57:00.000-05:00

I feel like I am to explode, but I am not going to post my rambling thoughts here. I shall spare my readers. I do want to say that I am tired and I blame it on firemen. They kicked me out of my warm bed on Friday night, or rather, Saturday morning. The alarm went off and I seriously considered staying in bed. But I figured it wasn't a drill at one in the morning so I fell out of bed and threw on my bath robe, forgetting, of course, my shoes. Down ten flights of stairs and out the lobby doors. Across the street and over to the grass, dodging fire trucks and police cars- no ambulances though. It was chilly outside, probably around fifty or sixty degrees. I don't know what happened. The firemen just left and we were all in the dark. So no sleep for me.....

2005-09-15T18:57:00.000-05:00

I have a my first college test coming up on Monday. So I went to study group thing tonight. It helped some and I am feeling better about the test, but I know I still have a lot of studying to do. I got back my Mythology quiz and it had a 96 percent on it! Yay! That is the only class I really feel like I do well in. We took another quiz and I don't think I did as well on that one. Most of the other quizzes I've taken have been 80 percents or lower (much lower in Biology Lab).
I have to work at the Stadium again on Saturday. UGH. OH HOW I LOATHE IT! It makes me want to keel myself. Plus, when am I going to do laundry if I have to be at the Stadium at 10:30. The game doesn't even start until 2-ish. I'll prolly be there till eight or so.

2005-09-14T22:24:00.000-05:00

HEHE. I am green. I'm am itchy too. This stuff smells funny, ah well, the price of beauty, or cuteness for those who argue with me.

2005-09-13T18:05:00.000-05:00

Type your name with your fingers: Alyssa

Type your name with your elbows: qaY67SSWA

Type your name with your chin: aqlyhsxsa

Type your name with your feet: AZhyxsxszaZ (shoes on)

Type your name with your tongue: no thanks

Type your name with your ear: wzmiorta

Type your name with your eyes closed: ALyssa

stoled from jessica and the people she stole it from

2005-09-13T16:59:00.000-05:00

Today was another lab day. I thought I had seen my lab partner at the Plamor on Sunday. In lab, I asked her if she'd been there and she said she goes often. I don't think she recognized me, though she did ask what I was wearing. Back to lab...
Today we looked at fresh samples of blood. It wasn't too gross, I'm just glad we didn't have to use our own blood. Then we squashed a termite and looked at the parasites that were in it. That was gross because even though it was dead, its fluids still pulsed. I felt like gagging. And since it makes me cringe to talk about it, I'm changing the subject.....
So I found free digital scrapbooking online. Pretty neat stuff. Now I have something to do with my pictures.
I have to work at the stadium again on Saturday. Yes, I am still going to quit, but I think I will do it gracefully and give a two weeks notice. And i'm supposed to have an easy shift on Saturday. I don't know what that means, though.

2005-09-12T13:37:00.000-05:00

The Plamor is awesome. Last night it was way more smoky than usual. All my clothes smell like cigarette smoke. Jay came this time, as did Ben and Bobby. Of course, Jessica and I were there. There was some band I haven't heard of playing and the lead singer was kind of scary. She danced all over the stage and even came down on the floor. Aces High was there too, they're pretty good. Jessica and I have been swing partners for a little over half a year. We know how each other works and can usually anticipate what the other is going to do. Since the boys aren't quite on our level yet, it is usually more fun for us to partner up with each other. But for some reason she didn't want to dance with me. She told me that dancing with me, she leads, was messing her up when she danced with the guys. I completely understand that it would be confusing to learn both parts and keep them straight. I guess I felt a little upset though, cause I just stood around for the better part of an hour since she wouldn't dance with me. Aside from that, I had a good time.
I learned a lot of new stuff. I attempted a line dance, and learned some more two-stepping things, and picked up on a lot of swing stuff.
Again I was asked to dance by somebody I didn't know. I wouldn't mind so much except that they always want to do stuff I don't know how to do. I'm not particularily good at picking up on things quickly. It was a little embarrassing, but, hey, I tried.

2005-09-12T12:54:00.000-05:00

Football games at Memorial Stadium suck. I know I'll be flogged by the hordes of fans, but they aren't the ones shoveling out tons of sandwiches in an un-airconditioned room beside an oven. The story goes.....I was scheduled to work at the stadium on Saturday. It was the second home game of the season, so a relatively large crowd was expected. I had no idea what I was expected to do. See, I'm a dishwasher for Valentino's. I have skills in register from a previous job, but I've never prepared food. Unless you count helping my mom in my high school cafeteria.
When I get there I have to clean some warmer things up, no problem. Then I have to put nacho chips in separate serving containers, also no problem. Jamie and Misty were supposed to be helping me but they choose to stand around talking instead, so I did one hundred and fifty servings by myself. Even so, I was still in a good mood. Josh, my manager, then had me watch the meats that were cooking in the kitchen. All I had to do was check the temperatures and take them out when they reached a certain degree. It was hot, but something I could definitely handle. It was about time for the gates to open and let the hordes in, so Josh took me to a little hot sandwich shop and told me to keep things stocked and he showed me how to make the various sandwiches. I actually enjoyed this part. It was hot, being next to the warmer, but I was busy doing something I understood. Then, halftime hit and we were mobbed. Josh, of course, had left, and I was running the stand by myself. We ran out of sandwiches and I was busy making them as I handed them out. Even this didn't get my spirits low.
Finally, after halftime, Josh took me to the third floor. I was supposed to wash a couple of pans and lids and a few pieces of silverware. I got to walk through some of the viewing boxes. Those are cool, by the way. I was pretty excited that I got to use the dishwashing machine. Turns out that the machine is way slower than I am. Plus, I had to share the sink with some other dish guy. That did not work out well. So, I'm up there for about an hour, maybe two, and I'm almost finished. Josh shows up with another cart of dishes. He says that this is all there is. That irked me a bit, cause I was so close to being finished and now I had more to do. Again, I'm nearly done and he brings up another cart. He says he swears this is all there is. Then he giggles and leaves. By now I had been on my feet for seven hours, with no food, no breaks, nothing to drink, and no idea of when I'm going to go home. I have to bite my lip to keep from cussing out Josh, and to keep from crying. Then, to top matters off, the other dish guy tells me he's leaving and says I can just wash the rest of his dishes too. Basically, I "forgot" to do his dishes, but finished up my own. I hobble downstairs. The game is out by now and its nearly 1o:30. I can't find Josh anywhere, so I wait around for a while before he shows up smiling. He is completely unaware that he just put me through hell, and tells me what a great job I did. I feel like telling him to shove it. I also feel like telling Jamie and Misty to shove it as well. They had hardly done anything all day. I was soaking wet and pissed off.
All I have to say is that if Josh wants me to do that again, I'm quiting.

2005-09-09T20:21:00.000-05:00

This morning I walked out of my hall and came face to face with the blaring lights of a fire truck and ambulance. The paramedics headed off towards Abel North; I'm in Abel South. In the newspaper today, I saw that someone on campus died on Wednesday. That was a bit shocking. At my old school we would have had an assembly if someone had died. But here at the University I have to find out by reading the newspaper. He was on the football team. Apparently, he just stopped breathing in practice. The autopsy doesn't come back until next week.
There has been a lot of depressing and sad news in the papers and on the tv lately. It just seems like the whole world is coming apart. Is it possible that all these can just happen at once or is the world finally coming to an end. Thoughts like that make me feel like things classes and such aren't important.

2005-09-08T15:47:00.000-05:00

Today my roommate Jordan and I had a little chat. She's staying home this weekend. That is good news, mostly. Although, I will have to be quiet when I get back.
Also, we talked about how boring our classes were. That's not remarkable, but she said that they were doing Evolutionary stuff in her pysch class, and that she didn't like it. That was a intriguing statement to me because I know that the evolution theory is just a theory. Some people don't get that. She didn't sound like she believed it either. So then, later, her friend Shannon dropped by and she has some homework over some Jewish Bible thing. She made some remark about why it didn't make sense as compared to our Bible. She and Jordan are good friends so I'm assuming (it's not a good thing to assume things, just ask Mr. Gilliland) that they have similar beliefs. Unless I am reading this wrong, they are at least educated in Christianity. That is so cool.

2005-09-07T22:01:00.000-05:00

I am feeling creative. I feel like I need to write something really moving, but I have no idea what to write. I guess I could just post some pictures. Yes, I'll do that....
The picture on the bottom left is me in one of my not-so- photogenic moments. Then at top right there is me with a giant Dr. Pepper pillow...that was fun.
The top left is of my cheerleading team. I am the one farthest left, holding the other girl. The boy flying is my cousin, Nick. That was at the cheer/dance competetion last fall. Thanks to all of my friends that came and supported us!
The next one is one of my senior pictures. Aren't I cute?

2005-09-07T17:51:00.000-05:00

AHHH! All of a sudden I have a ton of crap to do. Last week, homework was basically nil, now I have three papers due all on the same day! Yikes! Plus, I'm behind in my reading. *Sigh* No fun for me tonight, I guess. Although, I am thinking about going to a Facebook thing for Abel. Might be interesting. At any rate, they'll have food. Maybe I'll meet somebody new. That would be awesomely good.

So, Jessica brought me some floss last night. It is the weirdest stuff I've ever seen. Instead of being smooth its all unravelly and it is very strongly flavored. I don't like it. Woven floss is bad.

2005-09-06T17:23:00.000-05:00

Well, it's that time of week again...Lab time!! Yay, all the fun you could dream of with cold stools with no backs, cold white rooms, yucky little cockroaches in cages and so much more!!!
Although it was long, I actually enjoyed some of it. We used microscopes to look at algae, yeast, and cheek cells. Then we observed a Planarian. He was so cute!!! We also dyed the nucleus of cells. I think I might consider going into microbiology. Or doing DNA stuff like proving DNA links between people for the police/FBI stuff, yeah....
So........ pictures!

2005-09-05T22:17:00.000-05:00

Managers are weird sometimes. Tonight, because of Labor day, was slow in the pizza business. So the managers were sending people home. Usually, one has to sweep and mop ones section. However, he just told them to go. I, however, was assigned additional work. *sigh* So I guess I got more monies since I worked more.

"Spectacular, spectacular!...." I just saw Moulin Rouge recently. It is goodly. It was funny and, um, entertaining....

2005-09-04T13:59:00.000-05:00

OUCH! My poor 'itle tummy hurts! Stupid labor day weekend. Because of said weekend, my dinig hall is closed. I had to walk half a mile to Sellek for breakfast this morning, and then walk back. That is very bad for tummies.

Love Life

Your Positive Traits:
you are open- minded enought to date outside your typical "type".....successfully!
you are diplomatic- and likely to end a fight instead of dragging things out
you are easily loyal and faithful, but only for the right person.

Your Negative Traits:
You are a bit gullible, and partners take advantage of you. You still may not know it.
You find it difficult to decide where to go to dinner, what movie to watch, who to date....
You have to be in a relationship, or else you just don't feel like yourself.

Your Ideal Partner:
A smooth talker who enjoys socializing as much as you do.
Someone classy and cultured who knows which wine to order with dinner.
Is beautiful to you-although not necessarily attractive in the traditional sense.

Your Dating Style:
Romantic: If your date comes bearing flowers, wine, and poetry...well, your heart soars.

Seduction Style:
Edited for....well, you know.

Tips for the Future:
Don't be so quick to compromise in relationships.
Try being single for a while. Seems impossible, but you'll learn so much about yourself from doing so.
Make some decisions about your romantic life right now. You'll be happy you did.

Best Color to Attract Mate:
Green

Best Day for a Date:
Wednesday

Ha ha we all know that this stuff can be garbage, some of it applies and some of it doesn't. I just thought it would be interesting to compare to the real me.